I’m almost too damn drugged to walk.

Yo. I thought I’d take a few minutes to start a Howdygram post even though I’m not having much luck keeping my eyes open. I’ve been drooping from side to side at my desk for the last hour or so, and it mostly feels like I’m almost unconscious. I don’t understand this. I woke up this afternoon at 3 after seven very solid hours of sleep, and the time at the tone will be 6:05 p.m. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

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In my last post I promised to review Ka-Me’s Hokkien Stir-Fry Noodles, a brilliant product that will change my life as a housebound old coot who can’t stand up any more to cook things. You get two 7.1-ounce pouches of fully-cooked, naked noodles.When you need a pasta fix you just pierce the pouch in two or three places and nuke for 90 seconds. That’s it! Fling them into a hot bowl of soup, top them with your favorite pasta sauce, add them to a stir-fry or just admire them for what they are: PERFECT COOKED NOODLES IN A BAG. The Stir-Fry Noodles are the same thickness as regular spaghetti; Ka-Me also makes ready-to-eat thick Udon Noodles, buckwheat Soba Noodles and flat Thai Rice Noodles.

The Howdygram is thrilled to award Ka-Me’s Hokkien Stir-Fry Noodles with our coveted five-chopper rating, because now I can finally get my periodic pasta fix without teaching Sam how to cook another thing from scratch. I try to keep it simple for him, and ready-to-eat noodles definitely fall into that category! THANK YOU, JESUS! (Also Wal-Mart.)

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If you need a smile today, here’s something that might help:

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Look, I just took another juicy dose of my pain meds so I think I’d better high-tail-it to the chaise in the family room before I’m too damn drugged to walk. Thank you for reading this.