Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Messala was here last night trying to rob our house.

Hi-de-ho from Texas, people. I’m not exactly sure if I feel motivated enough to write a meaningful Howdygram post so maybe I’ll just ramble for a while and see where it leads me. In case you’re interested in a brief Kvetch Report, at the moment I’m experiencing: 1) a slight fever; 2) a mild headache; 3) an itchy back especially in the center; and 4) hunger for something other than the weirdo Veggie Straws with Sea Salt that I’ve been gnawing for the last half-hour, which aren’t salty enough for my taste buds and not very filling. To cheer myself up I might nuke a Hormel Compleats Turkey & Mock Dressing with Beige Sauce. Yes!

Here are some abbreviated updates and news bulletins from Howdygram headquarters, assembled in easy-to-read subtitled paragraphs.

OUR CARPET CLEANING HOO-HAH WAS A HUGE SUCCESS. We hired a carpet cleaning company last week from Angie’s List and they did a terrific job for us. Clean Bright was on time, professional, knocked the shit out of spots that we assumed were permanent and made our carpets look five years newer. Even better, we could walk on them within an hour! Now, of course, I’m being bombarded by every organization on the Internet to submit reviews and ratings. This is a FUCKING NUISANCE and I seriously want it to stop already.

MY CAKE DECORATING KIT CAME TODAY. I’m not actually planning to decorate any cakes, though, because I’m old and rickety, I can’t stand up any more in the kitchen and (most of all) I’m diabetic. Instead I plan to use this kit to JAZZ UP MY DEVILED EGGS! It comes with a dozen different metal tube tips, a plastic coupler and a reuseable squeezy plastic pastry bag. And I can do it all sitting down. (Stay tuned for photos of my egg-stuffing achievements.)
I HAD A SCREAMING NIGHTMARE LAST NIGHT. Sam said I woke him up during the night howling, and it wasn’t until I thought about it today that I remembered why. I had a nightmare that Messala — the evil, adorable Roman tribune from Ben-Hur who turned into raw hamburger during the chariot race — came over to rob our house. Holy crap. Does that sound scary to YOU?

I’m sincerely happy with every FREE FONT today. They’re knockouts! My favorites are “Mischa,” “Delight Duo” and “Alpha” because I can use them for greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Unfortunately, I did a lousy job assembling this list for you because “AddicType,” “Alpha,” “Asmara,” “Delight Duo,” “Rusty Cola Pen” and “Storing” are all from the Huge Font Bundle and really should have been listed together. Instead I stuck “Sunn Line” in there for no reason whatsoever except that it made for a nicer fit with the script fonts. I promise to do better next time. Also, download links appear below the graphic.

I’d also like to show off some new free graphics that I snagged yesterday from Creative Market. These include various collections of very nice high-resolution floral elements, bouquets, wreaths, flowers, and hand-drawn badges and ribbons. I picked the following samples for your possible interest. (The hand-drawn badges and ribbons are screwy-looking and I’m not sure I’ll ever use them for anything.)

My final thought for tonight ... maybe you’d like to see my newest greeting cards for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle.com. I’ve actually added six or seven designs during the last few days but I didn’t want to clutter up the Howdygram with too many of them all at once. These two are enough for now. Please visit my store if you have some free time and check out my terrific products. I also do custom work in case you want something designed just for you!

It’s almost 4:30 in the morning and I have to get some sleep now. Thank you for reading this. Tell your friends, okay?

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