Trump’s Wednesday press conference was a disaster for America’s free press.

I wanted to go to bed about an hour ago but I’m postponing it because I can’t belch and it feels like I’m having a heart attack. Sam and I enjoyed Chipotle chicken burritos for dinner last night — we love them! — but six hours later mine is still sitting in my stomach like an anvil. Maybe I ate too fast. In the meantime I’m slugging a Diet Sunkist soda with a weird expression on my face and waiting for relief. Stay tuned for a digestion update.

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I skipped a 24-hour news cycle this week in an effort to calm my steadily-increasing hysteria about the halfwit orangutan who’s ready to move into the White House, so imagine my horror yesterday morning when I realized that President-Elect Trump had staged a press conference — his first since the November election — but refused to answer questions about his latest scandal involving British spies, blackmail by a foreign government, Russian prostitutes, pishing in Moscow, the FBI and John McCain. What the fuck?! SOMEBODY IMPEACH THIS FRIGHTENING SON OF A BITCH BEFORE HE HAS A CHANCE TO UNPACK!

Inicidentally, Sam and I will NOT be watching Trump’s “inaug-urine-ation” next week and probably will use our free time to eat a lot of shrimp tempura and enjoy a few William Powell and Myrna Loy movies.

I also have one more Trump-related issue. Please take a minute to sign a petition on MoveOn.org urging the entire White House Press Corps to stand up for each other. Trump’s press conference yesterday was a total disaster for the free press when he blackballed and bullied CNN reporter Jim Acosta while everybody else in the press corps went about their usual routine. Sorry, guys ... YOU STINK AT YOUR JOBS! The press needs to stand up to our asshole president-elect’s bullshit about “dishonest media” and “fake news” by banding together as a group to protect the free press. Use the following button to sign the petition now. And please ... TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES! Thank you.

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I’ve got some excellent FREE FONTS for you this morning! They include “Show Stopper,” a utilitarian retro script; a nice sans serif (“Gorden”) with multiple fancy styles; “Neultica,” a bold and wide unicase font (uppercase and lowercase letters are all the same size); and three interesting hand-drawn whatnots ... “Listless,” “Nidewoof” and “Meet Manny.” Please note that “Meet Manny” is from The Smashing Font Bundle, which also provides another dozen semi-cheesy fonts you might like (but I really didn’t). Download links will appear below the graphic. Don’t forget to share, okay? Wish your neighbors a happy new year with an unforgettable basket of fresh-picked fonts!

Show Stopper • Gorden • Neultica • Listless • Nidewoof • The Smashing Font Bundle

Most of these fonts, in case you give a crap, are created by designers in southeast Asia, such as Viet Nam and Thailand. As a result the font descriptions online are hilariously atrocious efforts at English, as evidenced by the following example for a font named “Soulmate.”

Here “Soulmate” is a font inspired by the wedding, the font in the form of feature an abundance of salt, standard ligature, suitable for branding anywhere, that inspired from hand-drawn littering and vintage styles, suitable for your awesome works such as Brands, Poster, Logo, Advertisement, and etc.

Priceless, am I right? And here’s the description for one of today’s new free fonts, “Nidewoof.” This one is my favorite. The name is even more bizarre than the font description ... if that’s possible!

We are come to you “Nidewoof” handwriting typeface, with a model of cool at the moment, please download for current to charge the typeface of your toolbox with a nice font I am sure you will be more eager to make, signature, wedding cards, letterheads, logos, T-shirts, and everything on-between. With many OpenType features available, you can create and arrange with good style and perfect. Fonts are provided in TTF and OTF formats.

I have to get going now, okay? Sam is on his way to the airport to pick up our nephew Josh and I’m ready to migrate into the family room to watch a nice movie. Thank you for reading this! (P.S. – I finally belched.)