John Wayne, the big all-American “he-man” icon who ran like a girl and never went to war.

I’m having some issues this morning with my knees and feet. No kidding, people, if I could figure out a way to shlep myself from room to room WITHOUT ACTUALLY WALKING I’d be the happiest old broad in Texas. For instance, right now I’d love to eat a nice toasted English muffin with cheese on it but I don’t think I can make it to the kitchen so I’ll just continue typing a lot of Howdygram crapola until lunch time. It’s 9:45 a.m.