Apparently a half-naked Soviet midget wants to fly war planes in the Gulf of Mexico.

This has been a strange and moderately shitty day so far, driven by lack of sleep, dismal weather and godawful knee pain. On the plus side, however, the customer service geniuses at Amazon shipped my Morton’s popcorn salt FedEx overnight AT NO EXTRA CHARGE and it’s already on the truck for delivery today. I think I must be the luckiest senior citizen in the world. OVERNIGHT POPCORN SALT!