Friday, February 17, 2017

I never turn down anything that I don’t have to pay for.

Hope y’all are having a rootin’-tootin’ Friday! It’s 2:35 a.m., Sam is asleep and I’m polishing off a nice cold Diet Sunkist in a plastic cup. It’s a wonderful life.

I’m pleased to report that Thursday was a yuge food day around here! For the last several months it’s been impossible to find my favorite Hormel Compleats Chili with Beans on the Internet because it was discontinued without any explanation whatsoever (the chili, not the Internet) ... UNTIL YESTERDAY MORNING! Wal-Mart has it in stock again — finally! — and I ordered 10 containers so damn fast it could make your head explode. Hormel Compleats Chili with Beans is absolutely the number one best-tasting prepared chili I’ve ever had. Sam and I will use it for homemade nachos and chili burgers, and I also love it over Annie Chun’s White Sticky Rice when nobody’s home and I make my own lunch in the study.
I would also like to give an honorable mention to another new product I ordered from Wal-Mart and never even knew it existed until a few days ago ... beautiful, ready-to-eat HOKKIEN STIR-FRY NOODLES! For $2.88 you get two 7.1-ounce pouches containing fully-cooked “naked” noodles (no sauce, no seasoning) that you heat in the microwave in 90 seconds. Just puncture the pouch first! These are slightly thicker than regular full-size spaghetti noodles, so they’d be perfect with your favorite pasta sauce, parmesan cheese and a few frozen meatballs ... or just throw some into a big bowl of soup.
In case you give a crap, I won’t be using these for an actual stir-fry because I can’t stand up in the kitchen to cook any more and Sam isn’t interested enough in food preparation to do anything with these except for the two possible scenarios I outlined above (i.e., soup or pasta sauce). They were delivered yesterday, so please stay tuned for a senior citizen product review in an upcoming Howdygram post. Thank you for your support.

Yo, typophiles ... I’ve got some fantastic FREE FONTS for you tonight! I’m especially impressed with several of the scripts, particularly “Meushiume,” “Gentle Air,” “Junius” and “Finition,” and I love “Kaarna” and “Goudar HL” because they’re very bold and condensed for sign-making. This is especially important now that Sam is the family activist and attends weekly protest events at our senators’ offices here in Dallas.

Incidentally, I think the coolest font here is probably “Finition” because you can generate a FANCY AUTOMATIC STROKE when you tap the underscore key! Take a look at the last font in the list below. I typed Fi_nition. Amazing, right? Download links appear below the graphic. 

Glorioski ... I’d also like to show off two cool collections of clip art this morning. The floral thingies were free on Monday from Creative Market. They do a weekly promotional giveaway for regular customers, and I never turn down anything that I don’t have to pay for. The Romance Florals collection includes bouquets, circular and heart-shaped wreaths and several dozen individual elements and flowers. The cute clip art cartoons are from a large collection of illustrations included with the free “Gentle Air” font that I mentioned in the preceding section. Click here to download it.

I’ve been trying very hard to avoid reading too much political horseshit online because I already have high blood pressure (in addition to a substantial list of other health issues) and don’t think I should push my luck triggering a brain aneurism. Nevertheless, until we find a way to eject that low-class, treasonous sweathog from the White House I occasionally feel compelled to write a clever caption for a repulsive Donald Trump photo or ask my readers to sign a petition. Today I want to do BOTH. Lucky you! First, the aforementioned repulsive photo.
And now for the petition! Please sign this one to encourage celebrities, the media and freelance reporters to BOYCOTT and NOT ATTEND Trump’s first White House Correspondents Dinner, which is coming up one week from tomorrow (February 25).
Even though the dinner’s actual function involves raising funds for scholarships, which is certainly commendable, it still gives the Lying-Asshole-in-Chief another opportunity to stand in front of cameras and hundreds of influential guests with a microphone in his hand — ad-libbing, fucking with the free press, embarrassing the United States, and still whining about voter fraud, fake news and the crowd size on Inauguration Day. And it’s even worse since Trump has started campaigning for the 2020 election and there’s already a rally this weekend in Florida! (God help us.)

Oy, it’s already 5 a.m. and I should try to get some sleep. A nice Margaret Rutherford movie would be good and maybe an extra blanket because my feet are cold. Thank you for reading this.

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