Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Burned American cheese tastes better than raw American cheese.

There’s a strong chance this will be a short Howdygram post because I don’t have anything special to write about, I’m not feeling particularly creative and I actually feel quite uncomfortable sitting at my desk in study due to burning pain on the back of my thighs. It’s fucking impossible to be funny when you’re waiting for Norco to kick in! But that’s likely to change at any moment. Or maybe not. I’m rambling.

Maybe I’ll just start out with one of my favorite subjects, so let‘s give it a shot and move along.

Glorioski, everybody ... I’ve got another herd of FREE FONTS! I’m pleased to present some really terrific scripts, apple-themed clip art and a few seriously interesting 19th century looks. Please note that “Apple Tree,” “Hometown” and “Hunter Heart” are all part of the Vintage Bundle ... along with at least eight more extremely nice font families that I didn’t bother to upload for myself as I’ve already got thousands of similar fonts. (I’m not kidding about this.) Helpful download links will appear after the graphic.

Yes, friends, there’s big news today at Howdygram headquarters. Grab a cup of Ovaltine and fasten your seat belt!

OUR HANDYMAN WAS HERE TODAY. Gary came over this morning to re-caulk the toilet in our hall bathroom. Four remarkable observations about his visit: 1) he was on time; 2) the entire project took less than 20 minutes; 3) he didn’t slop up the bathroom; and 4) it was easy to get rid of him when he finished even though he wanted to babble at Sam about the election. (I think Gary voted for Trump. He’s seriously lucky we didn’t shove that tube of caulk down his throat.)

WHITE BREAD WITH MELTY CHEESE: BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS. Sam made my favorite breakfast for me this morning ... two or three pieces of white bread in the toaster oven with burned American cheese singles. (Burned American cheese tastes better than raw American cheese.)

SAM IS TRYING TO HIBERNATE. We’re having a cold snap here. The high temperature today and tomorrow will be 45° and on Friday it won’t get above freezing. I only mention this because I want Sam to mail a letter for me and pick up a couple of prescriptions but he says it’s TOO DAMN COLD TO GO OUTSIDE. I might be able to change his mind, however, with the following logic: 1) use the big drive-by mailbox in front of the post office and the drive-up pharmacy window at Wal-Mart; and 2) STOP BEING SUCH A WEATHER SISSY. I grew up in Chicago and figured how to do damn near anything even in sub-zero weather, such as shopping, commuting, shlepping to the laundromat and doing lunch with girlfriends!

In case you wonder what I do with all my free time as a retired senior citizen on Social Security, I’ll be glad to provide the following four-part answer: 1) write the Howdygram; 2) read the Howdygram; 3) take a lot of drugs; and 4) design really adorable products for my store on I’ve got my own original line of greeting cards, bottle openers, coasters, playing cards, can coolers, checkbook covers, totes, lunch boxes, makeup bags, clipboards, mouse pads, wireless mice, mugs, spiral notebooks, padfolios, thermal tumblers, luggage tags, passport holders, and custom cases for iPhones and Samsung Galaxies. Plus you can also buy Rootin’-Tootin’ Sam’s Lone Star Hot Sauce in five original ass-slappin’ flavors.
So that’s how I’ve been keeping busy. Also kibbitzing with Sam, sleeping, answering emails, checking in on Facebook once in a while and watching as many old movies as possible. I’m still working my way through the 40+ Myrna Loy movies I recorded last month on TCM. This could take a while as I typically tend to nod off after the opening credits.

Coming up tomorrow ... WE’RE HAVING OUR CARPETS CLEANED! I’m so excited I can’t stand it. Billy the Carpet Dude will be here at 9 a.m. to do the family room, hallway, master bedroom and study. Sam will be able to move most of the smaller furniture by himself — i.e., decorative benches, end tables, coffee table, desk chairs, etc. — and Billy said he’d move the sectional in the family room. In case you’re wondering, we’re not cleaning the formal living room or the guest room because the carpets are genuinely pristine!

It’s time to join Sam in the family room for munchies and a movie. Thank you for reading this.

No comments: