We have something to celebrate today.

I have some amazing news. AMAZING. For a very long time I’ve been worried, off and on, about how I’d get some much-needed dental work when the time came. I haven’t been out of the house since 2011 due to health problems and mobility issues, and it was probably 2010 that last time I saw a dentist. He did impressions, made me an upper denture and referred me to a local oral surgeon, who extracted six teeth. The upper denture fit perfectly from day one and I never had a reason to go back.

Until now.

My six remaining lower front teeth have been chipping and breaking for at least five years. I have no pain whatsoever, thank God, but these annoying little razor-sharp stubs have been driving me nuts, cutting into my lower lip and limiting what I can eat. (I had to give up pretzels!) Therefore I need an oral surgeon to extract my last few lower teeth and a dentist to make a lower denture. I’ve been nervous wreck about this for the following reasons: 1) I have to be in a wheelchair whenever I leave the house and can only travel via Mesquite’s senior citizen transit bus with the elevator lift; and 2) I have to find a dentist who can accommodate a bariatric patient who PEES WITHOUT WARNING. At the same time I’m also trying to decide whether or not to expand my Medicare Advantage Plan (the Scott & White Vital Traditions Medicare HMO) with their MetLife dental insurance option, which is an excellent bargain at $17 a month if I decide to move forward with the extractions and lower denture in 2018. So all of these issues are rattling around in my brain when I suddenly discovered ...

Elite Mobile Dental

Oh my God, people … this is a whole dentist’s office that COMES TO YOUR HOME with a fold-up dental chair, portable chairside equipment and ritzy electronic x-rays so you can view the images on a computer! Eek! Holy crap! Hallelujah! OH BOY!

Elite Mobile Dental will do everything a traditional dentist does, such as routine exams, cleanings, x-rays, fillings, extractions, dentures, root canals, crowns, veneers and so on. Their home visit fee is $300 but they waive it when a patient schedules work beyond an ordinary exam and cleaning. So … tomorrow I’ll call my Medicare Advantage plan to find out about their MetLife dental insurance and if MetLife will cover charges from Elite Mobile Dental. Stay tuned!

This is going to save my life the same way Baylor HouseCalls did when they began sending out a medical team every three weeks to check my health, regulate my meds and take my vital signs. This is really an incredible hoo-hah for me and probably marks the last time in my entire life that I’ll ever need to see a dentist. Now THAT’S something to celebrate … so I just talked Sam into picking up barbecue for dinner from Shorty’s! This is a genuine Texas “dive” in an old converted gas station with the best barbecue in town. We’ll get a pound of smoked sausage, a pound of chopped smoked brisket and a tub of Shorty’s famous sauce. Sam might also get a quart of Shorty’s famous cowboy beans. (He loves ’em.)

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I saved us a bunch of money today! This morning after our Epson WF-3640 inkjet printer died — with no warning whatsoever — Sam carried it out to the garage and I started researching replacements on Amazon. I eventually decided on the Epson WF-3720 for $108.24 and professional installation for $67.39. Grand total: $175.63. Of course, when I tried to heat a bowl of tomato soup for lunch in the microwave on my desk I noticed it didn’t have any power, either, so I told Sam to bring the printer back from the garage and let’s figure out what’s going on here. As it turns out, it was our power strip that croaked, leaving our printer, microwave and mini-fridge without electricity. The printer and microwave are up and running again, but we can’t figure out what to do for the mini-fridge. It’s plugged in but not making any of its usual noises yet ... and there’s an expanding puddle of water underneath it. Uh-oh!

The upshot: I canceled the order for our new printer and I canceled the professional installation. Do you think I might have to put that money towards a new mini-fridge!?

Thank you for reading this and thank you for remembering that fucking Alamo.