Glue your first-born child to the inner cover of a laptop computer and swing it over your head.

It’s Thursday morning, just a sprinkling of minutes past 10 a.m., and I’m grieved to announce that Sam went to bed last night without turning on my oxygen generator … and I really needed it because I’ve been congested for the last couple of days and TRYING MY DAMNDEST TO ”HOCK A LOOGIE.” Whether or not I’ll be successful still remains to be seen. (I’ve never been especially good at hocking loogies. Stay tuned.) Incidentally, THE NO-RINSE SHAMPOO CAP FOR INVALIDS that I mentioned in yesterday’s Howdygram post [click here] actually contains a small amount of the lousiest conditioner I’ve ever used, and believe me … I’ve tried plenty of lousy conditioners over the years. This one makes my hair feel lumpy. (For the record, the model in the photo looks absolutely nothing like me. I DON’T HAVE A PUCKERED NECK.)

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO SEND AN EMAIL TO MY FRIEND GAYLE since last night. I hate it when mail comes back “undeliverable” … don’t you? This time, rather than resending the damn thing over and over in the middle of the night, I contacted my ISP to ask their help troubleshooting … and I received their answer this morning. Jesus. The instructions could give you a brain hemorrhage.

• Are you sure you sure that your email was definitively sent and the recipient unable to find the email on any of his/her folders?
• Did the you receive a failed delivery message (bounce message, error message)? If yes, please provide us with the entire message along with the extended header and the original body of the email.
• You will be able to see the extended header of the email by following these instructions:
• Open the mentioned email in your Mail.com account
• On the top right corner you will see an icon “i” – “More Information” — which will display the extended header.
• Click on this icon and a separate window will be opened displaying the extended header.
• Copy the entire text and send it to us.
• Glue your first-born child to the inner cover of a laptop computer and swing it over your head, screaming like a chicken.

I’ll write back to Mail.com later this morning, after I relocate to my iMac workstation. It’s never convenient to horse around like that when I’m using my laptop because I’d wind up wasting an hour’s worth of “battery charge” … when I’d rather be working on other projects!

Holy crap, I’m starving. And that means IT’S BISCUIT TIME … woo-hoo! We always keep a bag of Pillsbury Grands in the freezer just in case I’m hungry enough to have a nervous breakdown. (And today I’m hungry enough.)

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This has been a very difficult day here. VERY difficult … for Sam and also for me. Therefore I’l sign off, thank you for reading this and forget the Alamo altogether. Because I want to. So there.