Friday, July 13, 2018

I ordered Campbell’s Brown Gravy with Legitimate Onions and two jars of Manischewitz Borscht with Diced Beets.

And so I show up on this hot, sticky Friday morning to discover that I’m not connected to the Internet ... with no incoming emails and no access to the Howdygram. Fortunately I can still compose today’s post with my MacBook’s Text Edit software, so all this free time won’t be a total loss. I can’t do much about the graphics, though, or those nice bright red subhead titles or the attractive horizontal rules that I always insert between sections. As soon as my connection comes back I’ll do a speedy copy-and-paste hoo-hah and get on with my life.



Today was BATH DAY here. My hospice C.N.A. showed up at 10 a.m., right on schedule … except this time she actually woke me from a dead sleep. I should probably ask Sam to wake me up half an hour earlier so I won’t look like such a pitiful zombie when Letitia gets here on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. (She probably doesn’t care.)

But there’s more to the story today. After Letititia left, Sam and I had a long, heart-wrenching conversation about “what’s next” for me [check out the last section of my previous post that begins: “Can we discuss depression for a minute?”] and decided it might be time to request more pain meds, because what I’m taking now — 30mg extended release Morphine twice a day and 10mg Norco PRN — obviously isn’t doing enough any more. So Sam texted Bea, and within minutes Bea said she’d process a request for liquid Morphine PRN … a much stronger dose of Morphine that I can take whenever I want ... “as needed.” I’m so excited I could cry. More Morphine! MORE MORPHINE!

I’ll probably have my liquid Morphine later on today because the hospice pharmacy always delivers pain meds on a hyper-speedy emergency basis. Therefore I’ll let you know when it gets here, and I promise to “live blog” my first dose so you can see first-hand how fucked-up I get.



I don’t know why I always think you’ll give a crap about this, but I thought I’d show you what I ordered a few minutes ago from Wal-Mart.com. Because it’s IMPORTANT. And because YOU NEED TO KNOW. Trust me.

Anyway, today I ordered one can of Campbell’s Brown Gravy with Legitimate Onions, two beautiful jars of Manischewitz Borscht with Diced Beets (which is so much better than the kind with shredded beets), two jars of Manischewitz Matzo Balls and — last but not least — a four-pack of Spaghetti Os. Yep … Spaghetti Os! (These are excellent because I need to eat lying down sometimes, and Os are less sloppy than normal noodles.)
I rounded out my order (if you spend $35 you get free shipping) with several packages of Great Value 20 oz. foam bowls because we use them for EVERYTHING here.



Today I’m mostly craving Popsicles, because I think I’m having a little trouble swallowing solid food again … and a person can always swallow a Popsicle! Sam buys me a tropical fruit Popsicle collection that includes some mighty wonderful flavors … Punch (which tastes like watermelon), Hawaiian Pineapple and Tropical Orange (which tastes like pink grapefruit). They’re absolutely OUTSTANDING. For the time being I guess my only flavor craving is Popsicles … at least until my two bottles of Green River pop are delivered today and I can send Sam to Five Guys to buy me a grilled Kosher hot dog. That’s a flavor craving dating back to 1954, when mom used to take me downtown on the “L” to shop at Marshall Field’s (I was three years old) and we’d have lunch afterwards at Paulson’s under the tracks on Wabash Avenue. (Oh my God, it was so fucking exciting to walk around under the “L” tracks!) I’d always order a grilled hot dog for lunch with a Green River on crushed ice.

I remember mom telling a story about how we got separated one day at Marshall Field’s, and I wound up sitting on a bar stool in the Women’s Gloves department asking if they could find my “lost mother.” So someone used the P.A. system to tell my lost mother where to find a missing three-year-old girl named Marcy in a navy blue dress. Apparently I wasn’t worried at all, and I wasn’t even crying. When she got to the Women’s Gloves department I was eating marshmallows!

In the meantime, however — until my Green River pop shows up this afternoon — I just asked Sam to nuke a BIG BEAUTIFUL BEEFY FEAST for me! This would include two frozen (fully-cooked) Angus grilled hamburger patties from Costco, a nice can of brown gravy and a jar of sliced Green Giant mushrooms. We always have a well-stocked pantry here, including gravy (several kinds), mushrooms, pickled beets, sliced carrots, Read’s Three-Bean Salad, Read’s German Potato Salad, Chef Boyardee Ravioli and so on. A person will never starve to death here.



I just woke up from a three-hour nap and realized that I owe you a couple of updates. First ... I NEVER GOT MY GREEN RIVER DELIVERY TODAY. According to Amazon’s tracking information it’s supposed to come tomorrow instead (not sure I believe that) ... which also means my Five Guys grilled Kosher hot dog craving is on hold, too. (Fuck!)

I ALSO NEVER GOT MY LIQUID MORPHINE DELIVERY. I’m not giving up on the Morphine yet, however, because we’ve had hospice pharmacy deliveries show up as late as midnight sometimes. Especially pain meds. They’re really good about delivering pain meds. They pound on the door even when its pitch black and we forget to turn on the outside light!

OY, I’M STARVING. It’s 10:35 p.m., and I think I’ll probably have to wake Sam if I ever expect to get some food around here. When you can’t stand up, you can’t walk and you can’t cook, what’s a girl supposed to do? My options include: 1) a can of Nalley Beef Stew; 2) a can of Dinty Moore Chicken and Dumplings; and 3) a jar of Del Monte Pickled Beets with a large wad of sour cream on top. Believe it or not, I’m actually leaning towards #3. I love pickled beets!

IM WATCHING AN ADORABLE MOVIE RIGHT NOW. Have you ever seen You Belong to Me (1941) starring Henry Fonda and Barbara Stanwyck? Seriously … I’ve never seen this one before! It’s a comedy. She’s a doctor on vacation at a winter resort, he’s a patient who took a bad tumble on a ski slope, but he’s pretending to be in worse shape than he really is, because, you know, he’s HOT for her! Woo-hoo!



Thank you for reading this, and please throw a passing glance at the Alamo if you have a free minute, okay? I’ll be the old lady here in Mesquite with a large mug of pickled beets balanced on my stomach!

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