Nobody needs to stand around in triple-digit heat listening to a crowd of Southern Baptist pastors.

It’s 9:42 a.m., Saturday, June 30, and Sam should almost be downtown by now for the Families Belong Together rally. Sam and I aren’t the children of immigrants — but our parents were — and I can’t imagine what life would have been like for our families if America hadn’t opened her arms at the beginning of the 20th century. My father’s parents came from Russia, and mom’s came from Hungary and Romania … all of them were Jews escaping persecution and fleeing to the only country on earth that would welcome them. And nothing has changed in 2018. Refugees still come to America hoping to escape persecution, get an education and build a successful life, except now that door has been slammed shut in their faces by the swollen orange baboon in the White House. I’m proud that Sam is making his voice heard today.

Apparently there’s a news blog (Patch.com) doing a live feed from the rally today in our state capitol (Austin). I keep scanning the Internet but can’t find a live feed in Dallas, so I guess I’ll have to wait for Sam to get home later with stories and photos. And here they are! Sam got home about half an hour ago (it’s a few minutes past noon) because he decided to bail when a crowd of pastors took over the podium. Nobody needs to stand around in triple-digit heat listening to a crowd of Southern Baptist pastors. (I wouldn’t, anyways ... and obviously neither would Sam.)

Sam at the Families Belong Together rally in downtown Dallas.

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There’s time for a brief overview of my Saturday morning health situation. In a word, I’m MUCH BETTER THAN YESTERDAY. (Okay, four words.) So far I’ve been able to chew and swallow a Wal-Mart breakfast biscuit … but that’s the extent of it because Sam didn’t leave me anything else to eat. (Remind me to slap him later.)

Ands now here’s a story from last night, about 45 minutes after I published my June 29 post and shut down my iMac. It was around midnight, I’m watching the end of a movie, still sitting at my big computer desk, taking my bedtime pills and Sam is asleep on the sofa. All of a sudden I make a shocking (and loud) announcement — SAM! I’M PEEING! — which isn’t supposed to happen because I’m catheterized. Except “The Twilight Zone” took over and I pished all over myself … and I had to wake Sam from a dead sleep to cover the floor with towels. HOLY CRAP.

As it turns out, this was just one of those inexplicable Mystery Catheter Fuck-Ups — maybe my foot was on the tube or the bag was badly positioned — because everything was working nicely afterwards. But to be 100% sure, Sam sat up for an extra half-hour watching my pee travel through the clear catheter tubing. (I wish he’d taken a video with his iPhone. It must have been a compelling and entertaining short subject.)

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It occurs to me that I don’t have a lot of options any more when it comes to subject matter for the Howdygram. Let’s face it … 1) I’m a housebound old coot with a bunch of shitty illnesses and chronic pain; 2) aside from Sam, the only people I ever meet are R.N.s and C.N.A.s from the hospice organization that delivers my Morphine and changes my Foley catheter every 30 days; 3) I eat bizarre shit like pickled beets with sour cream and sliced braunschweiger with sweet relish; 4) I’m catheterized for life; and 5) I haven’t been to a grocery store since 2010. Or to Lowe’s, Office Depot or Macy’s, either!

Get my drift? I’m running out of meaningless crap to write about … and that’s a mighty strange realization because the Howdygram has always been mostly about nothing and/or completely self-absorbed from the very beginning. (The very beginning was back in 2009, in case you’re interested. You can read the original Howdygram here.)

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Every now and then I need something new and exciting to spice up my life as a housebound coot, and there’s no better place to find what I need — i.e., tasty coot-related products — than Wal-Mart. I just placed an order online, and today’s exciting products included Tostitos Creamy Spinach Dip in a geniune glass jar, Swanson Pulled Pork with Faux Barbecue Flavor (ooh, yummo!) and Tyson Premium Chunk White Chicken in a tuna fish pouch. (I know it says “6 pack” in the upper right corner, but I only ordered one.)

Shit for senior citizens ... Tostitos Spinach Dip, Swanson Pulled Pork in a can and Tyson Chicken.

Today’s Wal-Mart order also included plastic forks and spoons, Lay’s Wavy Potato Chips, and Read canned German Potato Salad. I thought you might want to know.

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Aside from ordering spinach dip, watching William Powell movies and surviving an occasional Mystery Catheter Fuck-Up, my life also has been full to the brim with creative projects! I’m pleased to present the following two new greeting card designs in The Howdygram Store.

I can’t understand why you’re not shopping at The Howdygram Store.

It might be pleasant to spend the rest of the day designing cards and mugs because I need to steer my brain away from the following unhappy subjects: 1) Donald Trump; 2) the wet rash all over my body that will never go away; and 3) the leaking pressure sores on the back of my thighs (they hurt like hell today); and 4) I miss my sister. All of a sudden I want to see Robin!

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Thank you for reading this. Time to grab a Popsicle and get creative!