The Howdygram 2: I want to ride on Queen Elizabeth’s royal train.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

I want to ride on Queen Elizabeth’s royal train.

What a day. Whether you believe me or not, I slept until 2 p.m. today, which turned out to be five hours late for my “morning” dose of Morphine. I woke up with a headache, dazed and confused, in severe physical pain and NOT ESPECIALLY HAPPY. It took about two hours to shake it all off (Morphine did a lot to help) and get me to the point I’m at right now ... at 5:30 on a clammy Texas afternoon. My pain level is a comfortable “3” (with the exception of a shitty sprain in my right foot) and I almost have an appetite again, albeit a small one. What a life.

It’s already underway in Britain! That adorable American Duchess of Sussex, Mrs. Prince Harry herself, has embarked on her first official engagements with the Queen … and without her husband at her side. Meghan is Britain’s newest royal, and on Tuesday she joined Queen Elizabeth for a visit to Cheshire, where they opened a new toll bridge over the River Mersey. Afterwards they departed for more engagements on Wednesday evening, journeying north on board the royal train. Holy shit … there’s a ROYAL TRAIN? I want to ride on the royal train!

The Queen and the Duchess of Sussex on their first official handshaking junket.

These experiences will be a “masterclass” in royal etiquette for Meghan, who will get to see how Britain’s longest-reigning monarch navigates mundane events … which will probably be 75% of her life as a working royal.

While visiting the bridge, Meghan and the Queen were introduced to architects, planners and community representatives before watching a performance by local schoolchildren. Then the Queen unveiled a plaque to mark the grand opening of the bridge. Afterwards she and Meghan traveled to Chester, where they opened a new library, theater and cinema, and then watched a performance by a dance company comprised of screwed-up Brits recovering from addiction. Let me guess … The Methodone Follies?!

In October Prince Harry and Meghan will embark on their first big joint hoo-hah … a tour of Australia, Fiji, Tonga and New Zealand that coincides with the Invictus Games.

Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan.

It’s 9:30 p.m. now, and I’ll have to type like the wind if I expect to finish this post before the power in my MacBook conks out! This is actually not as desperate as it sounds, however, because I promised Sam I’d get to sleep at a normal hour tonight ... not at 5 a.m. again.

I’m on the chaise in the family room, comfortable and without any pain whatsoever. But the three steps it took to relocate here from the bench next to me was ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it ... and the sound effects were so frightening (and loud) that Sam had to leave the room.

And now I think I’ll ask Sam to bring me a Luigi’s Italian Ice because these damn things are fabulous. Sam brought home a box of Lemon and Strawberry this morning from Wal-Mart.