Friday, August 11, 2017

I love my life … with the exception of my left foot.

Hi-de-ho and happy Friday from Howdygram headquarters. However, I hope you don’t think that “headquarters” means we’ve got a bustling newsroom here ... because we don’t. We’ve just got one housebound senior citizen in a bathrobe — yours truly — eating leftover egg salad at 1:45 in the morning.

I love my life … with the exception of my left foot. I HATE MY LEFT FOOT.*

*Diabetic neuropathy SUCKS.

If you’re wondering where I’ve been since last Friday the answer would be right here at my desk. I’ve been working on greeting card designs for The Howdygram Store since my products are selling lickety-split right now, and apparently (according to it’s a big hoo-hah to continue uploading new designs as often as possible so I can maintain my store’s high level of national visibility. Yes, dear readers, I HAVE A HIGH LEVEL OF NATIONAL VISIBILITY! Yesterday I launched my new line of cards that feature 1950s pin-up girls, seven of them, four of which are pictured below for your possible interest. Let me know what you think, okay? (Please click here if you want to check out the entire collection online.)

I believe there may be a little time for you to enjoy another gang of excellent FREE FONTS before nuclear war breaks out with North Korea, so here’s my latest collection. It includes some fantastic and unusual display fonts — “Trillian,” which comes with three different heights, “Bazaruto,” “La Pica” and “Varvara” — and a terrific script with a matching casual sans serif (“Ricttoria”). FYI, “Happy Boys” and “Sailors Slant” are both included in the same file.

Download links appear below the graphic; “Fairy Tales” is available directly from me via email. Please share these with your neighbors and friends!

And now … SEAMLESS PATTERNS AND REALLY BEAUTIFUL CLIPART, all free last Monday from Creative MarketWoo-hoo! I love the hand-drawn watercolor roses and the seamless kitty-cat background patterns.
I’m also fucking nuts about these lovely seamless florals and the Japanese “washi” patterns, which are high-resolution renditions of traditional Japanese decorative papers. As always, if you want any of these files for yourself please shoot me an email and mention the date of this post. You’re welcome!

Country/pop music icon Glen Campbell, who died on Tuesday at age 81 after a long battle with Alzheimer’s, was the indelible voice behind 21 top-40 hits that included “Rhinestone Cowboy,” “Wichita Lineman” and “By the Time I Get to Phoenix.” During his 60-year career, Campbell sold over 45 million records. (In 1968, one of his biggest years, he even outsold the Beatles.)

For those of you who don’t remember him, Glen Campbell was YUGE. His biggest hits were on the charts during all of my teenage years, and in the summer of 1968 after guest- hosting for “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour,” Campbell wound up with a variety show of his own, “The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour,” which ran from 1969 until 1972.
Campbell dropped out of school at 14 and moved to Wyoming with an uncle who was a musician, playing regular gigs together at rural bars. He moved to Los Angeles in the late 1950s and by 1962 had cemented a spot with a group of professional studio musicians called the Wrecking Crew. In 1968 alone Campbell appeared on 586 record cuts, including the Byrds’ “Mr. Tambourine Man,” Elvis Presley’s “Viva Las Vegas,” Merle Haggard’s “Mama Tried” and the Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.” Holy shit, right?

And if that’s not enough hoo-hah for you, Campbell also co-starred with John Wayne in True Grit (1969), married a Radio City Rockette in 1982, opened up the Glen Campbell Goodtime Theatre in Branson, Missouri, in the early 1990s, and battled alcoholism and cocaine addiction. He is survived by his fourth wife (the Rockette), eight children and several hundred grandchildren.

I’m pleased to feature a video of Glen Campbell singing his monster hit “By the Time I Get To Phoenix” from 1967. Please sing along with me if you remember the words.

I’ve definitely learned an important lesson ... never assume anything! I thought my biography of Prince Edward, next installment in the Howdygram’s series about The Royals, would be boring as fuck because nobody ever hears very much about Edward. As it turns out, Prince Edward is very interesting indeed! He’s a complete screw-up, had lousy grades in school, quit the Marines before he even finished basic training and tried to weasel his way into the entertainment industry.
So here’s the rundown on Prince Edward in neatly-subtitled paragraphs.

EDWARD’S EDUCATION. Prince Edward is the youngest child of Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh, born on March 10, 1964. After several years of home-schooling with a governess, Edward eventually moved to Gordonstoun in northern Scotland, where he wound up with many years of generally miserable grades. When he pushed ahead to attend the university there was a good deal of controversy, as Edward’s grades were far below entrance standards to Cambridge. Nobody knows how he managed to eke out a degree in history.

MILITARY SERVICE (ALMOST). The Royal family has a long history of military service, and Prince Edward wanted to make good with a career in the Royal Marines. He joined up after he finished at Cambridge, but quit a few months later after completing only one-third of the 12-month initial training course. At the time it was reported in the media that the move prompted a berating from Prince Philip, who “reduced his son to prolonged tears.” Oy.

THERES NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS. For the Queen’s 60th birthday in 1986 Prince Edward commissioned a special performance of the musical “Cricket” by Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice, which led to a job offer with Lloyd Webber’s theater company, where he worked as a production assistant on musicals such as “The Phantom of the Opera,” “Starlight Express” and “Cats.” His duties involved making tea for the staff. (Holy shit. He was a fucking GOPHER!)

STILL SEARCHING FOR THAT ELUSIVE CAREER. In 1993 Edward formed Ardent Productions, which attempted to produce various documentaries and dramas. Unfortunately Edward was accused in the media of using his royal connections for financial gain and the company was referred to by industry insiders as “a sad joke” due to a lack of professionalism. The company reported losses every year it operated. When Ardent Productions dissolved in June 2009 its assets were reduced to just £40 and Edward’s original backers were said to “have lost every penny.” At 53 years old Edward is still struggling to figure out how to support his family. He’d better hurry up, because Prince Charles recently made it abundantly clear that, after he becomes king, his two younger brothers (Edward and Andrew) and their wives and children will receive no support whatsoever from sovereign grant.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. Edward married Sophie Rhys-Jones, a public relations executive with her own company, in 1999 at Windsor Castle, and they have two children: Lady Louise Windsor (born in 2003) and James, Viscount Severn (born in 2007). They are both moderately goony children.

I will continue my series on the royal family as soon as I figure out who’s next.

Thank you for reading this!

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