Friday, June 23, 2017

I started taking Lasix again this morning. It’s a nuclear-powered diuretic.

Yo, guys! I honestly meant to write a Howdygram post for the last two days but got caught up with other activities … including all of the following.

JUICY NAPS. I’ve actually stopped counting them. This is the most perfect advertisement for retirement EVER.

TRYING TO DECIPHER A MEDICAL BILL. I’m still receiving statements and medical bills from my hospital stay in April, none of which makes any sense whatsoever. The latest is from an M.D. in Fort Worth for laboratory services. I never heard of him, I never met him, and since I was hospitalized in Garland, Texas, I have no idea why blood work totaling $175 ended up with Dr. Dennis Askins in Fort Worth. I plan to take fewer naps today so I can call his office and find out what the hell is going on.

ENJOYING EXCELLENT MOVIES. A few of these included: Death at a Funeral (2007) starring Matthew MacFayden and Keeley Hawes; Petticoat Fever (1936), an adorable comedy starring Robert Montgomery and Myrna Loy; The Kennel Murder Case (1933) starring William Powell, Mary Astor and a show-dog named Ghillie who gets killed in an alley by [OY! SPOILER ALERT!] an asshole named Archer Coe; and Forbidden Planet (1956) starring Leslie Nielsen, Anne Francis and Walter Pidgeon. I also watched yesterday’s episode of “People’s Court” and a very weird movie by the Coen brothers called Hail, Caesar! (2016) starring George Clooney and Josh Brolin, which I erased after the first half-hour because I had no idea why this was promoted as a “riotous four-star comedy.” I couldn’t find anything remotely funny about it, four stars or otherwise. Meh.
EATING A WELL-BALANCED DINNER. On Wednesday Sam made me a lovely baked potato, six Costco meatballs and a nicely-steamed bag of Green Giant teeny Brussels sprouts. And Jell-O for dessert with Cool Whip. It doesn’t get much better than this unless I’m eating a broiled lobster tail or Kung Pao Shrimp.

Today’s gang of FREE FONTS is a remarkable collection of terrific scripts (my absolute favorite is “Marline”), display fonts (“Fat Mecha,” “Rodeo Bold”) and adorable hand-drawn whatnots (“Berrylicious”) for all kinds of casual projects. I’m getting ready to start designing more mugs and greeting cards for The Howdygram Store, so all of these fonts will be put to good use. You’ll find download links after the graphic. Enjoy!

Rick Perry is Donald Trump’s Secretary of Energy, a nationally-known nitwit, a failed Republican presidential candidate who was laughed off the debate stage in two consecutive elections, and the former governor of Texas. Perry wins our latest Putz of the Week award for his interview on Wednesday with CNBC’s “Squawk Box.” Perry was asked whether CO2 emissions are primarily responsible for climate change and replied: “No, most likely the primary control knob is the ocean waters and this environment that we live in.” Perry also commented that it’s fine if he’s skeptical of climate change because that’s “a sign of a wise, intellectually engaged person.” What the fuck?
Rick Perry is the EXACT OPPOSITE of a wise, intellectually engaged person.

Golf fans got pissed off this week when a video emerged of Donald Trump doing what’s considered “unthinkable” … driving his golf cart all over the putting green at Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey, the site of this year’s Women’s U.S. Open. Bottom line: If you’re too fucking lazy to get out of your cart to putt, maybe it’s time to try a different sport! How about checkers, Donald?

And now I think I’ll position myself on the chaise in the family room with the remote and my favorite fluffy afghan. I started taking Lasix again this morning — it’s a nuclear-powered diuretic — so I’ll have to stay close to my favorite hall bathroom or one of our two portable commodes, which are set up in the family room and the study. It’s such a joy knowing I’ll always be just two or three steps away from a toilet. I LOVE RETIREMENT!

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