Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Bill Pullman isn’t dead.

Happy Tuesday morning, boys and girls! It’s 7:20 a.m. and Sam is on his way to work as I write this post ... his first day at a BRAND NEW JOB after four glorious months of rest and downtime at home. This is the first new job he’s had in more than 12 years and (with any luck) it will be his LAST. Sam actually considers this to be semi-retirement, with a return to commercial printing, no stress and normal daytime hours.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Please let me make your protest signs, okay?

As February winds down I realize this has NOT been a swell month for writing Howdygram posts, mostly due to a number of distractions and miscellaneous issues that had to take precedence. These have included: 1) designing greeting cards for The Howdygram Store; 2) trying not to have a nervous breakdown about the fascist slob residing in the White House; 3) sleeping and/or watching a large number of old movies; and 4) finding local protest events for Sam — he’s part of the “resistance” movement now — and designing appropriate signs he can wave at the TV cameras. For your possible interest, today at 3 p.m. Sam will be protesting Congress’ threat to repeal the ACA at Representative Jeb Hensarling’s office in north Dallas. Here are the three signs I made for today’s event.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Trump’s first 30 days were punctuated by fuck-ups, failures and meaningless campaign promises.

It’s 1:30 Tuesday morning, but I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to sit at my desk typing right now because I’ve got a miserably high fever and I feel like CRAP. In case you’re interested my fever is 101.2°. “Normal” for me is around 96°, which means 101.2° is really HIGH. Also: 1) my joints and muscles are killing me; 2) I’m sweaty and hot as an iron; and 3) I have zero bladder control. ZERO! If that’s too much information please figure out how to deal with it. Thank you.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Introducing “Tiny Trump” ... let’s all laugh at our Asshole-in-Chief!

Know what? It’s 5:15 Saturday afternoon and Sam is unwell. We’re not exactly sure what’s wrong with him aside from a low body temperature (96.5°), tired feet and overall fatigue, so he ate a fresh grapefruit cup from Costco and decided to treat himself to a nap in the family room. As for yours truly, I’m here in the study with the Howdygram and a bowl of Manischewitz canned matzo ball soup ... and I’ve got a few of my own health issues, such as: 1) a full-blown TASTE DISORDER due to diabetic neuropathy where everything I eat tastes like fucking cardboard; 2) an INTESTINAL DISTURBANCE; and 3) very bad BURNING SKIN PAIN on the back of both thighs because I forgot to ask my resident caregiver (i.e., Sam) to apply barrier cream after my shower this morning. It’s extremely uncomfortable to sit at my desk right now and, as a result, I might have to shlep back to the chaise in the family room and watch a Myrna Loy movie. It’s always something, isn’t it?

Friday, February 17, 2017

I’m almost too damn drugged to walk.

Yo. I thought I’d take a few minutes to start a Howdygram post even though I’m not having much luck keeping my eyes open. I’ve been drooping from side to side at my desk for the last hour or so, and it mostly feels like I’m almost unconscious. I don’t understand this. I woke up this afternoon at 3 after seven very solid hours of sleep, and the time at the tone will be 6:05 p.m. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

I never turn down anything that I don’t have to pay for.

Hope y’all are having a rootin’-tootin’ Friday! It’s 2:35 a.m., Sam is asleep and I’m polishing off a nice cold Diet Sunkist in a plastic cup. It’s a wonderful life.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Trump didn’t want the White House press corps to watch him play golf on Saturday. So guess what he did!

I started writing a Howdygram post overnight and just lost ALL OF IT. Holy shit, I’m devastated. I was about 80% finished, and everything is gone now! I guess I’ll have to start over and try to remember what I was writing about ... which won’t be easy, because I can’t even remember what I just ate for breakfast. I HATE THIS.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Now, more than ever ... I totally hate my goddamn feet.

Please, please, please ... don’t yell at me! I took a short break from the Howdygram this week to revamp The Howdygram Store on Zazzle because business has been picking up — like really a LOT — and I wanted to reorganize my product listings with a few new categories and subcategories and redesign my store banner. Once you get started with a hoo-hah like this you can’t stop until you’re done, and it actually took six days to wrap it up. I’m not completely through tweaking yet, but I missed the Howdygram so much I decided to write a post tonight before I go to bed.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

You should check out the savings with Consumer Cellular.

It really wasn’t my plan not to write Howdygram posts for the last few days, so I’ll explain what happened in two words: I GOT SICK. (Okay, three words. Get over it.) I had — and still have — a fever, an seriously over-active bladder situation, an intestinal hoo-hah, lots of body aches and overall muscle pain. Sam, of course, has been taking care of me. At the moment it’s 4 o’clock Sunday morning and he’s on his way from the kitchen with a hot vat of oatmeal. We’d both been trying to conk out since midnight with no luck whatsoever, and I even watched two of my favorite “sleeping” movies back-to-back — Yours, Mine and Ours (1968) with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball, and Murder at the Gallop (1963) with Margaret Rutherford — but I never even closed my eyes! So here I am at my desk in the study with a can of Diet Sunkist, the Howdygram, oatmeal and you. It’s a full life, isn’t it?

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Sam brought home dinner from Eatzi’s. We ate like we hadn’t seen food for a month.

Hello, shalom, hi-de-ho and happy Thursday morning from Howdygram headquarters! It’s my plan to be asleep on the chaise in the family room within the next 60 minutes so I’ll have to type like a maniac to squeeze everything into this post as fast as I can. You might also need to know that I’m still recovering from a bout of overall ill health, a statement that includes all of the following complaints: 1) arthritis pain in my knees; 2) watery eyes; 3) a substantial fever above 99°; 4) burning skin issues on the back of both thighs; and 5) rather serious neuropathy pain in the heel of my left foot and also three toes. (The other two toes feel fine. It’s sweet of you to worry about them.)