Sunday, April 23, 2017
Saturday, April 22, 2017
Hey. Hi, everybody. It’s 4 a.m. and I’m totally jazzed and wide awake in the middle of the night, probably because Sam and I both conked out in the family room after dinner and slept for about four hours. When I woke up at 1 a.m. I decided to migrate into the study to horse around with my brand new iMac ... and I’m still horsing around.
Friday, April 21, 2017
Following seven-and-a-half hours of glorious, uninterrupted sleep last night, it’s my pleasure to welcome y’all to the Howdygram. Know what? I’m always amazed by how swell a person can feel after a good night’s sleep! And instead of shlepping myself directly into the study to check email and take my standard handful of morning meds, I chose instead to start my day (at 11:45 a.m.) with a nice hot shower, my favorite body wash, a fluffy shampoo and a fresh bathrobe. I EVEN TWEEZED MY EYEBROWS. I love being retired!
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Hi, boys and girls. I’ve been trying to write a Howdygram post for three days but it’s been difficult getting started, and I honestly can’t figure out WHY. I guess I was feeling emotionally droopy, generally blah and not very energetic. Incidentally, to those of you who panicked that I got sick again and landed back in the hospital, please calm down. I’m fine.
Sunday, April 16, 2017
It’s Easter Sunday, 2:45 a.m., Sam is asleep and I’m enjoying Hormel Compleats meatloaf and mashed potatoes with tasty brown gravy because my stomach was really empty and Hormel’s little airplane-sized meals are just enough to fill me up in the middle of the night. Personally, I think this is the best variety Hormel makes ... not counting their chili with beans.
Friday, April 14, 2017
The Howdygram Store. Reality is just a little “too real” right now and it’s scaring the shit out of me. Please raise your hand if you think Twitter should shut down this asshole’s account!
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Good morning. It’s 4:25 a.m. and I’m covered head-to-toe in Chef Boyardee mini ravioli. I didn’t do this on purpose, of course. I was trying to consume a ridiculously late dinner that I had to skip eight hours ago due to getting food stuck in my throat, but this time the problem was SEVERE TREMORS in my hands, wrists and fingers. I was eating, carefully, and trying to hold onto that cute Chef Boyardee microwaveable cup when my wrist jerked. Everything landed in the lap of my nightgown except for two ravioli and a shpritz of meat sauce, which sailed onto the memory foam floor mat under my desk.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
I am fucking miserable right now. FUCKING MISERABLE. Frankly, this might be the worst day I’ve ever had for pain in the history of America. And here’s my official and completely scientific Shit-O-Meter readout to prove it.
Monday, March 27, 2017
Good morning from north Texas, y’all, where we’re expecting a high today of 86° with a shitload of sunshine. This would be acceptable summer weather anywhere in the world, but here in Texas it’s still very early spring, so I’d be willing to bet we’re our way to record-breaking heat this year. Not necessarily hotter than usual ... but a lot more 100°+ days.
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Friday, March 24, 2017
Friday, March 17, 2017
Hi-de-ho, everybody, and welcome to the Howdygram! I have some REALLY YUGE NEWS this morning, so pop open a nice can of Diet Sunkist and let’s get started, okay?
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Happy Thursday morning, people. It’s 6 a.m. and I haven’t been to bed yet. This really isn’t as wretched as it sounds, however, because I enjoy being up all night to horse around at the computer designing things. This time it was more greeting cards, a couple of mugs and fresh category graphics for The Howdygram Store. I also spent quite a few hours organizing a treasure of new high-resolution digital backgrounds and textures that I bought from a designers’ website called Design Cuts ... it’s a gigantic bundle of 2,400 images (53 separate collections) for only $26. (Priced separately they would total more than $2,000.) Holy crap! THIS IS DELICIOUS!
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
It’s 4:15 Wednesday morning here at Howdygram headquarters and I haven’t been to bed yet, although for four solid hours (from 10:30 last night till 2:30 a.m.) I was sprawled out on the chaise in the family room watching and sleeping through a couple of my favorite movies, namely The Rains Came (1939) starring George Brent, Tyrone Power and Myrna Loy, and The Seven Year Itch (1955) starring Tom Ewell and Marilyn Monroe.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Yo from Howdygram headquarters! It’s a spectacular and balmy springtime afternoon that’s bursting with sunshine ... and once again I’m at my desk in the study with a bowl of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup that definitely isn’t hot enough, but what the hell. Also some saltine crackers.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Holy crap, I really didn’t mean to do this again. It’s been FIVE WHOLE DAYS since my last post! I haven’t been sick, thank God, just all wrapped up in my other favorite addiction ... namely, creating new greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Here are three of my latest designs for your possible interest. There are 14 new cards in all and I’m still uploading the artwork, writing descriptions, choosing keywords and so on. This is a tedious — but seriously BIG FUN — process.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Happy Tuesday morning, boys and girls! It’s 7:20 a.m. and Sam is on his way to work as I write this post ... his first day at a BRAND NEW JOB after four glorious months of rest and downtime at home. This is the first new job he’s had in more than 12 years and (with any luck) it will be his LAST. Sam actually considers this to be semi-retirement, with a return to commercial printing, no stress and normal daytime hours.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
As February winds down I realize this has NOT been a swell month for writing Howdygram posts, mostly due to a number of distractions and miscellaneous issues that had to take precedence. These have included: 1) designing greeting cards for The Howdygram Store; 2) trying not to have a nervous breakdown about the fascist slob residing in the White House; 3) sleeping and/or watching a large number of old movies; and 4) finding local protest events for Sam — he’s part of the “resistance” movement now — and designing appropriate signs he can wave at the TV cameras. For your possible interest, today at 3 p.m. Sam will be protesting Congress’ threat to repeal the ACA at Representative Jeb Hensarling’s office in north Dallas. Here are the three signs I made for today’s event.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Friday, February 17, 2017
Yo. I thought I’d take a few minutes to start a Howdygram post even though I’m not having much luck keeping my eyes open. I’ve been drooping from side to side at my desk for the last hour or so, and it mostly feels like I’m almost unconscious. I don’t understand this. I woke up this afternoon at 3 after seven very solid hours of sleep, and the time at the tone will be 6:05 p.m. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Hope y’all are having a rootin’-tootin’ Friday! It’s 2:35 a.m., Sam is asleep and I’m polishing off a nice cold Diet Sunkist in a plastic cup. It’s a wonderful life.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Trump didn’t want the White House press corps to watch him play golf on Saturday. So guess what he did!
I started writing a Howdygram post overnight and just lost ALL OF IT. Holy shit, I’m devastated. I was about 80% finished, and everything is gone now! I guess I’ll have to start over and try to remember what I was writing about ... which won’t be easy, because I can’t even remember what I just ate for breakfast. I HATE THIS.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Please, please, please ... don’t yell at me! I took a short break from the Howdygram this week to revamp The Howdygram Store on Zazzle because business has been picking up — like really a LOT — and I wanted to reorganize my product listings with a few new categories and subcategories and redesign my store banner. Once you get started with a hoo-hah like this you can’t stop until you’re done, and it actually took six days to wrap it up. I’m not completely through tweaking yet, but I missed the Howdygram so much I decided to write a post tonight before I go to bed.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Hello, shalom, yo, how’s the family, hi-de-ho and happy Saturday morning from Howdygram headquarters! You will surely be pleased to note that I finally flipped myself into a normal sleeping pattern and woke up today at 9:15 after half a dozen pleasant hours of uninterrupted overnight sleep. Holy crap, right? And waking up early-ish also affords me the opportunity to eat a favorite breakfast ... Hormel Compleats Real Meatloaf with Nice Mashed Taters and Tan Sauce! This is amazing!
Thursday, January 26, 2017
I love my life, people, and being retired has some outstanding perks and benefits. These include: 1) sleeping and eating whenever the hell I want to; 2) spending all day dicking around with the Howdygram and nobody tells me to stop it and do something else; 3) I have no problem whatsoever being immobile with shitty knees because I love being housebound with Sam, my leather chaise and our new 60-inch TV; and 4) I haven’t worn a brassiere since 2011.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Hi, people. It’s 2:15 Wednesday morning and I’m wide awake at my desk in the study, eating crunchy stuff from Wal-Mart while I try to deal with nasal congestion, drippy eyes and a raging asshole in the White House. I have a hunch I’ll overcome a couple of these issues a lot easier than the third one. I’m just saying.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Friday, January 20, 2017
I’m still dicking around with the Howdygram. Thursday afternoon I changed the wood background in the banner (again) and in the matching copyright section at the bottom of the right sidebar. A few more changes will show up tomorrow ... if I can stay awake long enough. This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, because I had nine hours of sleep overnight but never really snapped out of it. An hour after I woke up I was ready to lie down again. I’m upside-down.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Happy Tuesday night from the Howdygram to you and yours! Sam is in bed and I’m at my desk in the study, noshing on seriously tasteless Wal-Mart store-brand potato chips and an ice cold Diet Sunkist. Life is good. Also I’ve got a lot of exciting news, regular features and general tidbits to share with y’all. Oh boy, right? Let’s get started!
Monday, January 16, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Sam and Josh went “gallavanting” today. Due to inclement weather — i.e., an ice storm — in Oklahoma they had to skip their excursion to the Choctaw Casino in favor of sleeping late and a bowl of oatmeal followed by a driving tour of nearby cattle country, which is practically across the street. The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) cattle ranches. Seriously, I wouldn’t kid you about cattle ranches.
Hello and happy Saturday morning from Howdygram headquarters. It’s just past 3 a.m., Sam and Josh are both asleep, and I’m killing a little time until my bedtime meds kick in and knock me out. It won’t be long now. When I start drifting off, therefore, please feel free to stop reading and do a crossword puzzle.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
I wanted to go to bed about an hour ago but I’m postponing it because I can’t belch and it feels like I’m having a heart attack. Sam and I enjoyed Chipotle chicken burritos for dinner last night — we love them! — but six hours later mine is still sitting in my stomach like an anvil. Maybe I ate too fast. In the meantime I’m slugging a Diet Sunkist soda with a weird expression on my face and waiting for relief. Stay tuned for a digestion update.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Happy Wednesday morning to you and yours! It’s 12:03 a.m., Sam is conked out in the family room pretending to watch Rachel and the Stranger (1948) starring Loretta Young and William Holden, and I’m ensconced here in the study with all kinds of compelling news for you ... such as free fonts, new background graphics, a billion exciting senior discounts, our seven-day weather forecast, and — best of all — I’m ready to make FANCY DEVILED EGGS this afternoon! So let’s get started, shall we?
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Saturday, January 7, 2017
I need to report that it’s 17° outside — SEVENTEEN STINKING DEGREES! — with a wind chill that drops it down to 9°. This is uncommonly frigid for Texas, believe me. Winter here is rarely below freezing; 9° is downright ridiculous. Fortunately this won’t last very long, as illustrated by the following screen shot from Weather.com. Spring returns on Monday. I wonder where Sam hid my sandals.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
There’s a strong chance this will be a short Howdygram post because I don’t have anything special to write about, I’m not feeling particularly creative and I actually feel quite uncomfortable sitting at my desk in study due to burning pain on the back of my thighs. It’s fucking impossible to be funny when you’re waiting for Norco to kick in! But that’s likely to change at any moment. Or maybe not. I’m rambling.
Monday, January 2, 2017
Monday night, 9 p.m., just finished dinner. Nothing fancy. A couple of nice frozen chicken things on pita bread from Costco. With cheese. And now maybe somebody can explain why I sound like Sergeant Joe Friday from “Dragnet.”
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Don’t look now ... but 2016 finally ground to a halt last night! I’m 65, and I’m positive that this was the most exhausting, revolting, emotionally-draining year I can ever remember ... even taking into account 1986 (finding out I had uterine cancer) and 1995 (divorcing my first husband). Therefore, in light of the obvious obstacle to happiness in the year ahead — i.e., Donald J. Trump, unless we can impeach the jerk by mid-February — I will instead wish each of you, and yours, a tolerable 2017. If we can squeak by with “tolerable” maybe I’ll finally be able to digest my food again.