Thursday, October 13, 2016

I hope I’m well enough now to get my Howdygram posts back on track again.

I know, I know ... it’s been too long since my last Howdygram post. Calm down for a minute so I can explain WHY, okay?

I’ve been sick. VERY sick. It was another Shitty Mystery Fever, characterized this time by wild temperature swings from 93.3° — that’s NOT a typo — to 101° in less than four hours with uncontrollable pishing, intestinal drama, frequent nausea, shortness of breath and overall misery. At its worst (overnight on Sunday) I would be up every two hours lumbering to the bathroom, screaming “Oh my God I’m going to FALL DOWN!” while scaring the living crap out of Sam. I ate almost nothing and my blood sugar got so low I couldn’t breathe or sleep.

Frankly, I was a total mess until early this afternoon, when I think I finally got over the worst of it. Waves of nausea are still trying to ruin my life, though. And I also get dizzy.

Send chicken soup and coloring books as soon as possible. Click here to request my mailing address. Thank you.

Nothing boosts an old lady’s recovery like MORE FREE FONTS. Today we’ve got a batch of real winners for you, including several personal favorites: “Sometimes Maybe,” “Slowly Duo” and “Mixed Tape.” Lots of these even include multiple styles and swashy things. I’ll include download links below the graphic in case you want some of these for yourself. Tell your friends and HAVE A FONT PARTY!

I also have some free artwork to share with you, all downloaded from Creative Market’s Monday freebies newsletter. First, a collection of seriously unattractive patterns.
And then I downloaded a collection of ordinary autumn-themed clip-art and floral bouquets, and some boring black and white illustrations like the drawings from a tenth grade botany textbook. I honestly don’t know why I bother with this stuff. I know I’ll never use it.

Pay attention, ice cream lovers! It’s not just Blue Bell that’s trying to poison America ... now Nestlé is doing it, too! Nestlé has recalled a selection of Drumstick ice cream cones after receiving positive test results for Listeria. The recall includes the Drumstick 16-Count Variety Pack (pictured below) and the 24-Count Vanilla Pack.

DO NOT EAT THESE OR YOU’LL CRAP YOUR BRAINS OUT. You might also wind up in the hospital or — worse yet — DEAD, as Listeria can be fatal for people with weakened immune systems like yours truly, for instance.

Nestlé is advising customers to return their poisoned Drumsticks to the place of purchase. I think you should eat pudding cups instead.

As we wind down to the last three weeks until Election Day (thank God) I really have nothing else to say except for THIS:
If you don’t vote for Hillary Clinton I might have to strangle you.

Thank you for reading this. I hope I’m well enough now to get my Howdygram posts back on track again!

No comments: