Thursday, August 18, 2016

The “mute” switch is the iPhone feature from hell.

Can we talk? I’M NOT WELL. As I write this post I feel feverish, clammy, chilled, wracked with joint pain and body aches, plus: 1) my nose and eyes are running; 2) the skin on the back of my thighs is pinching and burning due to diabetic neuropathy; 3) I think somebody set my left foot on fire; 4) I’ve had a headache since late yesterday afternoon; 5) I can’t catch my breath; and 6) my bladder is trying to give out on me again and twice tonight I barely made it to the bathroom. I also have a hangnail and might be coming down with another urinary tract infection (my third in two months). In short, I feel like shit.

It’s only a little after midnight but I’ve already taken my bedtime meds and injected overnight insulin because sooner or later I’ll probably have to make a mad dash for the bathroom and then to the chaise in the family room. Pishing and sleeping are the only two activities I’d find appropriate right now. Also eating pretzel rods with a can of Diet Sunkist.

IT’S HELL GETTING OLD. On Tuesday morning incoming calls on my iPhone stopped ringing and I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to figure out what the fuck went wrong. I went to Settings > Sounds but everything looked normal ... and they were exactly the same as the settings on Sam’s 5S. And it wasn’t accidentally set to Airplane mode or Do Not Disturb, either, which was my last big hoo-hah. Jesus H. Christ on a soda cracker ... I’ve had my phone for a whole stinking week AND IT’S ALREADY BROKEN!? What the fuck did I do? HOW DO I FIX THIS?

Sam, of course, is always the voice of reason. He told me to calm down and call Consumer Cellular in the morning because they’re real pros with hysterical senior citizens. So that’s what I did, and sure enough ... they knew what was wrong before I finished my opening sentence. THE FUCKING “MUTE” SWITCH.
I understand Apple’s logic for including a feature like this, but why does it have to be so irritating? You can bump it by accident and then ruin your life trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. Thank God the customer service crew at Consumer Cellular is so helpful and patient with agitated old people. They actually make me enjoy my life as a coot!

Bedtime! Thank you for reading this.

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