Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Introducing “Font U” and other Tuesday nonsense.

It’s 3 a.m. Tuesday morning and I’m wide awake. Looks like my new and improved normal sleeping schedule [see previous post] lasted only one stinking day. However I’ve decided to cut myself some slack and stop worrying about this. I’m a retired senior citizen with a pile of irritating health issues AND I’LL SLEEP WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT. Thank you.

The Howdygram is grieved to announce the passing of veteran actor Jack Riley, 80, who was probably best remembered as the crab-ass group therapy patient Elliott Carlin on “The Bob Newhart Show” in the 1970s. Riley also voiced a character on Nickelodeon’s animated “Rugrats,” appeared in several Mel Brooks comedies — i.e., Spaceballs (1987) and High Anxiety (1977) — and occasionally appeared as a guest star on a number of prestigious TV series, including “Seinfeld” and “Night Court.” (I’m pretty sure Riley had other business interests or he would have starved to death 25 years ago.)

Look, boys and girls ... MORE FREE FONTS! All of these are interesting and slightly unusual, especially “Wildflower,” “Tulip” and “Ramsteinz.” Incidentally, the last four fonts on this list — “Luxurious Line” through “Adelle” — are from a jumbo collection of fancy fonts. Be sure to take a look at everything included in the folder because you may like more of these than I did. (I think there are two or three dozen fonts in all.) Download links will appear after the graphic.

And by the way ...

Welcome to Font U! Effective immediately, please feel free to get in touch with me personally whenever you ever have any font-related questions, okay? I’m not only a total maven when it comes to hunting down free high-quality fonts and promoting them in the Howdygram, I’ve got 2,000+ fonts loaded on my iMac and more than 30 years’ experience horsing around with digital typography. I’m a certifiable font genius ...  plus I type fast and have a yooge brain.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Tell your friends and relatives. Thank you.

It’s another “first” for Donald Trump ... this has to be the goddamn creepiest family portrait I’ve ever seen. Allow me to assemble a quick list of the highlights for you, okay?
DONALD IS THE ONLY PERSON TRYING TO LOOK HAPPY. Actually, Melania and Barron might be wax figures on loan from Madame Tussaud’s.

BARRON IS SEPARATED FROM HIS PARENTS HERE IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. One would have to assume it was his choice, and who can blame him? His melancholy expression is heartbreaking.

THE ROYAL HEIR HAS BIZARRE TASTE IN TOYS. Barron, humorless, is posed on a life-size stuffed lion — maybe a gift from his half-brothers who hunt big game in Africa? — and plays with tastefully-arranged toy limos instead of trucks.

EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM IS REALLY A CARTOON VERSION OF HOW POOR PEOPLE EXPECT THE TRUMPS TO LIVE. Donald tore a page from the Russian oligarchy’s official playbook with the penthouse view, gilded everything, Marie Antoinette furniture, gold and marble columns holding up sunken ceilings adorned with Michelangelo knockoffs, and the requisite trophy wife and child. Yes indeed, Donald, we are all desperately jealous of you! No, not really.

MELANIA GETS HER OWN PRIVATE “PENTHOUSE BREEZE.” Either that, or there’s a wire yanking the hem of her skirt in Barron’s unseen right hand.

APPARENTLY DONALD HAS GILDED THRONES IN EVERY ROOM OF HIS HOUSE. I can only imagine what Trump’s official shitter looks like.

I absolutely have to lie down now. Thank you for reading this!

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