Friday, August 26, 2016

Dr. Ben Carson is probably the worst goddamn campaign surrogate in history.

Yo, people! It’s 2:15 Friday morning and I should be asleep right now except I feel guilty that I haven’t written a Howdygram post since Tuesday, so I’ll sit here in the study and type until my pain meds kick in and I can’t focus my eyes. Thank you.

Dr. Ben Carson, probably the worst goddamn campaign surrogate in history, showed up on MSNBC a couple of days ago demanding that “elderly candidates” like Donald Trump should have to provide a genuine medical report to the public written by a bona fide physician.
Hillary Clinton is a couple of years younger than Trump, who turned 70 earlier this summer ... but so far she’s the only candidate who’s provided a full medical history. The Clinton campaign released a two-page letter last summer from Dr. Lisa Bardack, Clinton’s personal physician for the last 15 years, summarizing Hillary’s health.

The doctor wrote, “Mrs. Clinton is a healthy female with hypothyroidism and seasonal allergies, on long-term anticoagulation. She participates in a healthy lifestyle and has had a full medical evaluation, which reveals no evidence of additional medical issues or cardiovascular disease. Her cancer screening evaluations are all negative. She is in excellent physical condition and fit to serve as President of the United States.”

Several months later the Trump campaign released a much shorter – and unexpectedly hilarious – letter on bogus letterhead from Dr. Harold Bornstein, a well-known diet pill crackpot, who claims he’s been Trump’s personal physician since 1980. Bornstein, pictured at right, insisted that Trump’s “physical strength and stamina are extraordinary” and his recent lab results were “astonishingly excellent.” The doctor added, “If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” What a crock of shit.

Judging from the deep level of manure contained therein, the Howdygram is completely convinced that the Manhattan orangutan wrote that letter all by himself. Probably in crayon.

Holy crap, boys and girls ... look at these AWESOME FREE FONTS! All are unique hand-drawn scripts and I can’t wait to test drive some of them on new products for The Howdygram Store, such as tote bags and clever coffee mugs. Incidentally, the last five fonts on this list are part of the Great Font Bundle along with others not pictured here. (I didn’t install them on my Mac because they’re ugly.) Download links appear after the graphic in case you want any of these for your own personal collection.

HAND-DRAWN FONTS are the latest trend in typography, but for the life of me I can’t understand why. These fonts for the most part are sloppy, clunky, spastic, unattractive and seriously illegible unless you’re using a large point size. I actually prefer hand-drawn serif and sans serif fonts to these hard-to-read scripts, but they’re popular nonetheless because nobody bothered to ask my opinion. Let me know what you think of the hand-drawn font trend, okay? Just shoot me an email. (Actually, you can always email me even if you don’t give a shit about hand-drawn fonts. Thank you sincerely.)

I have several other topics I wanted to cover in this post but they’ll have to wait until later today since it’s almost 4:45 in the morning and I have to get some sleep. I know you’ll forgive me. Shalom to you and yours.

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