I hate it when I can’t keep promises I make to myself. For instance, I promised myself I’d finish uploading my latest 17 bottle opener designs for The Howdygram Store ... and then I totally FORGOT due to a seriously annoying health-related incident — a “leakage” hoo-hah that happened twice in two days — to which I always respond by falling asleep and remaining unconscious for as long as possible (and as often as possible) until I don’t feel depressed about it any more. Most recently it was a six-hour nap that ended at 1:30 in the morning — about 90 minutes ago — and so here I am, wide awake with a cup of sugar-free Hawaiian Punch and a couple of mostly-stale pretzel rods.
Monday, August 29, 2016
Friday, August 26, 2016
I’ve got so much excellent material for this Howdygram post that my brain will probably explode, but I guess the easiest way to get started is with a short list of important current events. Thank you for putting up with me.
Yo, people! It’s 2:15 Friday morning and I should be asleep right now except I feel guilty that I haven’t written a Howdygram post since Tuesday, so I’ll sit here in the study and type until my pain meds kick in and I can’t focus my eyes. Thank you.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
It’s 3 a.m. Tuesday morning and I’m wide awake. Looks like my new and improved normal sleeping schedule [see previous post] lasted only one stinking day. However I’ve decided to cut myself some slack and stop worrying about this. I’m a retired senior citizen with a pile of irritating health issues AND I’LL SLEEP WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT. Thank you.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Happy Sunday to you and yours from Howdygram headquarters! With yoooge pride and delight I’d like to announce that I’M FINALLY ON A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE, having officially conked out last night at 11:30 p.m. and waking this morning at 7. Even better, after a decent amount of really solid sleep I would also like to announce that my knees feel fine, I have no neuropathy pain whatsoever, and — best of all — I get to eat leftover Chinese for breakfast today! With a plastic fork!
Friday, August 19, 2016
Hi, guys. Y’all may be pleased to know I’m feeling a lot better tonight, and whatever was ailing me got knocked out by lots of drugs, seven hours of sleep and the following images of hilarious and creepy NAKED DONALD TRUMP STATUES that were unveiled in public areas of major cities all over America on Thursday by the anarchist art collective Indecline. Holy shit, they’re priceless! Trump is represented with a Mussolini face, mountains of flab, the classic old man ass and a grotesque micropenis. The statue is titled “The Emperor Has No Balls.” Enjoy, okay?
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Apparently I’m making a regular habit of middle-of-the-night Howdygram posts while normal people are asleep. I don’t know how I wound up on this idiotic schedule. When Sam shuffles off to bed at 11 p.m. like a regular person, I park myself in the study till sun-up with pretzel rods and Diet Sunkist. Jealous?!
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Hello, people. It’s 2:30 Tuesday morning and I’ve been dragging my ass with this Howdygram post since shortly after lunch on Monday. Two naps, four hours of Olympics coverage and lots of drugs later, I figure I’ll start with a rewrite of my lede paragraph since what I ate for lunch 14 hours ago will interest nobody even though it was a semi-tasty tub of Maruchan Yakisoba Spicy Chicken Noodles followed by Wal-Mart peanut butter with a plastic teaspoon. In case you’re interested, Maruchan isn’t kidding about the “spicy” part.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Hi-de-ho, boys and girls, and happy Sunday morning from Howdygram headquarters! I have no plans whatsoever for today except for sending Sam to Wal-Mart for a prescription refill and a few essential groceries such as bread, watermelon and Ritz crackers. Also we’ll probably watch the Olympics on TV and take a nap. How about you?
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Every once in a while a light bulb goes on in my head and I have an “a-ha” moment about something. Like early this morning, for instance, when I decided to change the Howdygram’s accent color from brown to a dark chili pepper red. So what’s the big deal, you ask? A year ago when Sam and I remodeled our kitchen and bathrooms I chose a gorgeous accent wall paint for the family room: “Rum Punch” from Pittsburgh Paints.
Friday, August 12, 2016
Hello. It’s 4:45 in the afternoon and I’m beating myself up for waiting almost five hours to start typing this post, because now it’s time to take my shower and grab a quick nap before Sam gets home from work. I’ve been parked at my desk since noon, diddling with a couple of dopey projects, surfing news stories online (mostly CNN and Raw Story), eating pretzel rods and drinking Diet Sunkist.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
I know you’ll forgive me for taking a four-day break from Howdygrammin’ due to all of the following sincerely valid and honest excuses. Open yourself a nice cold can of diet ginger ale and get comfortable, okay?
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Friday, August 5, 2016
Hi-de-ho and happy Friday from your friends at Howdygram headquarters. I’ve had a bizarre day that (so far) has involved only three activities: 1) sleeping; 2) adding nine relatives, one hairdresser, one doctor, two Chinese restaurants and a maid to the contact list on my beautiful new iPhone 5S; and 3) taking a shower. At the moment I’m waiting for Sam to call so I can order us a couple of juicy chicken burritos from Chipotle. He’ll pick them up on his way home from work, bless his heart. I’M STARVING.
It’s 5 a.m. here in north Texas and Sam is in bed. I’m drinking an ice cold can of diet ginger ale and just finished refilling my pill sorter for the week ahead. At this time of night I’m never really sure if I should go back to sleep or sit up for a few hours taking drugs and working on a Howdygram post. So many decisions ...