Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I’m not having a great day. (Donald Trump’s is even worse.)

Hi and howdy-do from Texas, y’all. I’ll begin with a simple statement: I’M NOT HAVING SUCH A GREAT DAY. While I’m not exactly in any actual pain, per se (see my official Shit-O-Meter readout, below), I do feel extremely lousy due to 24 hours of unhappy intestinal issues, chills and body aches from a low-grade fever, and — saving the best for last — an overactive, uncontrollable bladder that has me “marking territory” as I speed-shlep to the closest bathroom. As I said, I’m not having a great day. Not at all.
To cheer myself up I’m eating Costco yakisoba noodles in a plastic mixing bowl with soy sauce, which Sam left on my desk before he went to work a couple of hours ago. I have no dessert here whatsoever although sugar-free Jell-O would be excellent if you’d like to deliver some. Lemon is my all-time favorite. Thank you.

There’s a really yoooge story in presidential politics today ... DONALD TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN IS BROKE. He’s so broke, in fact, that he’s apparently holding a telethon with a promise to match donations up to $2 million. (Trust me, the campaign will never see one stinking dime of Trump’s personal money.) Why doesn’t his campaign have any dough? Because he paid it all to himself, his children and his companies!
According to an FEC filing this week for the month of May, the Trump campaign paid $423,372 for rooms and catering to his private Mar-A-Lago residence in Florida; $135,080 in rent and utilities to Trump restaurants; $35,845 on facilities rental and catering at the Trump National Golf Club; $29,715 on facilities rental and catering at the Trump International Golf Club; $520,000 to Trump Tower Commercial and the Trump Corporation for rent and utilities; $26,000 to rent a space at Trump National Doral Golf Club in Miami; and $11,000 to Trump’s flashy hotel in Chicago.

Even better, tens of thousands of dollars have been paid to a fictitious web advertising agency listed in the FEC filing as “Draper Sterling,” a name straight out of AMC’s hit TV series “Mad Men.” Trump’s campaign report lists Draper Sterling’s business address as a private residence in New Hampshire owned by Jon Adkins, a friend of Trump’s former campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski.
Obviously there’s some kind of corrupt shit going on here. It’s just more evidence that Trump has no intention of running a real presidential election campaign and he’s treating his bid for the White House like he does all his businesses ... as an opportunity to steal and extort for his own personal profit.

That’s why the following comment made by Hillary Clinton this morning during a campaign speech struck such a raw nerve. An eyewitness reporter for Time magazine tweeted:
Apparently Trump had a meltdown and he’s been busy tweeting a furious barrage of completely unrelated Hillary Clinton insults and bullshit Clinton conspiracy theories. Because he can’t respond with the truth or explain his finances!

Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?
  • Trump’s campaign has absolutely no money.
  • He can’t afford to buy ads in any battleground state.
  • Half of Republicans are now saying they have Trump buyer’s remorse and don’t think he should be confirmed as the nominee.
  • Many Republican politicians are running away from his campaign.
  • He’s currently (as you read this) ranting on Twitter about Benghazi.
  • He admitted to being a scam artist who uses debt to enrich himself at the expense of the country (see below).
  • He’s down by historic margins against Hillary Clinton in every national poll.
  • Oh, and he’s now officially the least popular presidential candidate in United States history.
Amazing, isn’t it?

And here’s that tweet from earlier today where Trump actually admits he’s a scam artist!

I think I need to watch a few Andy Griffith reruns.
I wish we could all live in Mayberry. And in case you care, I am actually three years older than Aunt Bee was in this picture. Oy.

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