Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Old coots and social media. The Howdygram Store has a Facebook page now.

Before I leap into politics, putzes, today’s kvetch report, more free fonts and assorted other Howdygram bullshit I feel compelled to let you know that MONSTER THUNDERSTORMS are heading our way tonight! According to the lying sacks of poo* at we have a “severe thunderstorm warning” until 10 p.m., which means there’s actually a very severe hoo-hah creeping up on us as I write this post with 60 m.p.h. winds, hailstones as big as table lamps and an abundance of noise and lightning. The following screen shot shows you what’s what, and the teeny red star on the right side of the map denotes Howdygram headquarters. (*Actual job title of a level one staff meteorologist.)
So ... I thought it might be fun to stretch out on the chaise for a little while right now and watch the storm roll in from the west-facing windows in the family room. If I don’t get back to this post tonight I’m sure you’ll understand why, okay?

It’s 4:20 a.m. now. Apparently, after I transferred my body to the family room to wait for the thunderstorms three things happened: 1) the storms missed us entirely; 2) I must have been running a fever because I had bone-shaking chills by the time Sam got home at 10:30; and 3) I fell asleep and just woke up ... 18 minutes ago. That was an unexpected and mostly unwanted SIX-HOUR NAP, because I missed my late-evening interaction time with Sam.

I guess I’ll just move on to other subjects now!

Our latest Putz of the Week is a familiar face here at the Howdygram: CLIVEN BUNDY, the imprisoned and seditious “welfare” rancher from Nevada who’s responsible for two armed standoffs against the federal government by lunatic right-wing militia goons.
In our latest installment of “Cliven Bundy Is Still an Asshole,” Bundy is suing the federal government, Harry Reid, Reid's son Rory, the judge who ruled that Bundy couldn’t use right-wing legal clown Larry Klayman as his attorney in the Bunkerville case, and (of course) President Obama. Bundy is demanding immediate release from prison and $50 million in sweet government dough because he’s so goddamn mad.


I guess sitting in prison makes a person huffy as well as delusional. In his lawsuit Bundy accuses Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid of sending “federal storm-troopers” to meet his “peaceful cowboys,” who were just expressing their God-granted right to let his cows eat federal grazing land for free. The suit also alleges that the U.S. government staged an illegal “invasion and armed assault” to arrest Cliven Bundy so Harry Reid and his son, Rory, can personally profit from the land.

For your possible interest, apparently a parcel of land adjacent to the Bundy Ranch is registered to a citizen named Reid. But if Klayman or Bundy had spent less than three minutes on the Internet they would have learned that the “Reid” in the "Reid Bunkerville LLC" corporate name has no relationship whatsoever to Harry Reid or his son. It belongs to an 80-year-old woman named Laverne Reid who has lived her whole entire life in Bunkerville, Nevada.
And THIS, Mr. Bundy, is why the judge wouldn’t allow that idiot gasbag Larry Klayman to represent you in federal court! The folks at the Southern Poverty Law Center call Klayman “a pathologically litigious attorney and professional gadfly notorious for suing everyone from Iran’s Supreme Leader to his own mother.” All true.

Therefore, as he stews in solitary confinement Cliven Bundy really needs to wrap his head around three things: 1) he’s lawbreaking thief and a thug; 2) everybody in America hates his guts; and 3) he’s going to spend the rest of his miserable life behind bars. Shalom!

Today we’ve got a quartet of CUTE AND FREE FONTS for you! “Rhythm” and “Fonesia” include multiple styles and weights, “Nove” is swell for making posters and I’ll probably use “Piece By Piece” for greeting cards. I’ll include download links after the graphic in case you want any of these for your own collection. (You’re welcome.)

I also have some fantastic new digital backgrounds to share with you! These are all from the same little shop on and only cost 90¢ each for collections of 12 to 18 high-resolution files. These are all so adorable I think my head might explode.

According to MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, a new national poll finds that Donald Trump is viewed less favorably than lice, traffic jams, used car salesmen, the DMV, jury duty and root canals. Survey results were from PPP (Public Policy Polling) and Maddow promised her viewers that the poll was 100% legitimate. On the bright side, however, Trump was polling slightly better than cockroaches and hemorrhoids.

Oy. I’m setting up a Facebook page for The Howdygram Store because keeps telling me it’s essential for my success as a top-level designer of products such as luggage tags, greeting cards, mousepads and iPhone cases. I don’t know anything whatsoever about Facebook, however, so this is quite a challenge for me. Any help you can provide would be appreciated quite bigly by yours truly. In the meantime please check out my work-in-progress here and feel free to spend voluminous sums of money on adorable gifts and whatnots.

Thank you and have a pleasant day.

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