Sunday, May 1, 2016

Bouncing back from The Matzo Farfel Incident of 2016.

Happy first day of May from our house to yours! To celebrate an exquisitely mild, lovely, breezy and sunshine-packed spring day I just ordered a six-pack of Manischewitz matzo farfel from Amazon even though only last week I promised myself I would never do this because nobody ever needs six canisters of matzo farfel. Except for me, I guess!
The last time I ordered (three weeks ago) it was from and I bought two canisters at $4.49 each with free shipping. After consuming my first canister in record time I went back to Vitacost to order again, but of course their marketing Einsteins won’t let me do that. The latest farfel commandment is you’re only allowed to buy one at a time and shipping is $5.99, which means they’re trying to soak me for $10.48 for one stinking canister. Therefore, $36.35 for a six-pack from Amazon Prime turns out to be the deal of the century. I honestly don’t understand why life has to be this fucking complicated. Jesus.

In an effort to bounce back from The Matzo Farfel Incident of 2016 here’s the latest picture of adorable Princess Charlotte of Cambridge wearing the cutest pink rich-girls’ outfit — with matching knee socks! — that I’ve ever seen. Charlotte will be one year old tomorrow.

It is now 10:30 Sunday night and I have practically nothing to do. My day was jam-packed with exciting projects such as eating lunch, taking a shower and recovering from last night’s visit to Sam’s Rootin’-Tootin’ Wild West Toenail Clinic, a service that provides highly-skilled do-it-yourself at-home medical care for housebound senior citizens with diabetes and lousy feet. When Sam volunteered to replace my former podiatrist — a clown who retired last year without warning and left me flailing around for somebody to cut my toenails — we invested in a set of professional tools so Sam could get the job done right. What a brilliant idea! Sam’s Rootin’-Tootin’ Wild West Toenail Clinic has been a yooge hit here, and last night’s session relieved a shitload of pain for me as I’ve got two mentally ill toenails on my left foot (the baby toe and the toe that’s next to it) that curl upside-down like helmets and dig into my skin. THANK YOU, SAM!

I’ve got a pair of terrific FREE FONTS for you tonight! “Mimix” includes 10 different weights, and “Seaworthy” comes with a coordinating font of extras (catchwords, doodads, ornaments and swashy things) plus a folder stuffed with nautical EPS graphics you can access with Adobe Illustrator. I can’t wait to use all of these and I hope you’ll like them as much as I do. Download links appear after the graphic, okay?

Thank you for reading this. It’s time to join Sam in the family room for a late-night movie and tonight’s episodes of “Veep” and “Last Week Tonight” with John Oliver. Shalom!

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