Monday, May 9, 2016

A backwoods halfwit lands in jail, more free fonts and another dead celebrity.

Happy Monday to y’all from the Howdygram! I meant to write this post earlier in the day but got sidetracked by two major projects: 1) I took a shower at 1 p.m.; and 2) I fell asleep on the chaise after completing item one and slept for six fucking hours. SIX HOURS! At the moment it’s 7:48 p.m. and I just started eating dinner — a bowl of Maruchan Extra Spicy Shrimp Noodles with Impossible-to-Read Instructions in Three-Point Type — plus a side order of pills and a can of Diet Sunkist.

Over the weekend I discovered the (only) downside to taking a huge dose of Gabapentin for my neuropathy pain: THIS STUFF KNOCKS YOU OUT. And I’m not talking about “drowsy” ... I literally wind up UNCONSCIOUS and sleep for half a day! And combined with 10 mg of Norco every six hours I’m officially floating in fantasy land here.

This overall effect is rather enjoyable, however, so I’m not complaining. I’m a retired senior citizen with nothing much to do, anyway. DRUGS ARE GOOD.

My shiny new chocolate leather chaise from Macy’s will be delivered Wednesday morning, and this a VERY BIG DAMN DEAL because the old one is starting to sink. That said, however, this is the most comfortable seating device God ever created and the only spot in the whole house where I’m always 100% pain-free. I’ll let you know what time to start cheering on Wednesday, okay? Thank you.

An Arkansas Einstein named Maverick Dean Bryan, 55, is in police custody after planning to overthrow the U.S. government with a “Christian army” and hang seven small-town mayors if they won’t replace the Common Core public school curriculum with teachings of the Holy Bible. According to court documents, Bryan sent letters threatening to hang the mayors of  Ashdown, Hope, De Queen, Lewisville, Nashville, Prescott and Murfreesboro from the “mighty oaks” on their courthouse lawns and also demanded that the mayors “stop honoring any votes cast by homosexuals, Muslims, socialists, communists, atheists or anyone who worships a God other than Jesus Christ.” Wow, what a sweetheart!
And if that’s not bad enough, U.S. District Judge Susan Hickey says the defendant has an extensive criminal history involving the possession of firearms. In addition to three previous convictions Bryan confessed that he was in possession of an illegal firearm on the day of his latest arrest. He also looks like a backwoods halfwit.

During a deposition Bryan admitted to placing ads in a local paper seeking $23 million to raise a Christian army to overthrow the U.S. government. What an Einstein. That’s what GoFundMe is for! This seditious asshole needs to be locked up for a very, very long time.

Yup ... MORE FREE FONTS! The first one, “Willona,” is available for one week only from Creative Market. Of all the others my favorites are “Dearest” and “Florist,” both of which include a bunch of alternate styles and swashes, and “Space Transit” and “Breakfast Burrito,” which will be excellent for greeting cards.” Download links appear after the graphic.

We have another dead celebrity to report tonight. This time it’s character actor William Schallert, 93, who had more than 400 TV and movie credits in his resumé over the course of a 70-year career. He died on Sunday at his home in Pacific Palisades, a very ritzy southern California neighborhood with great views.
William Schallert was a well-recongized name and face on television throughout the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. He played Patty Duke’s frustrated father on “The Patty Duke Show,” which aired from 1963 to 1966 on ABC, immediately following a four-year run with a recurring role on CBS’ hit sitcom “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis playing Dobie’s high school English teacher Leander Pomfritt, who was constantly flummoxed by Dobie and his beatnik pal Maynard G. Krebs (played by Bob Denver).

Off on a tangent ... I absolutely LOVED Dobie Gillis and actually remember the names of most of the characters, including Chatsworth Osborne, Jr. (the snooty rich kid), Zelda Gilroy (the goony girl with a crush on Dobie), Thalia Menninger (the foxy blonde that Dobie chased, played by Tuesday Weld) and Dobie’s adorable parents played by Frank Faylen and Florida Friebus. DOBIE ROCKED!
But for all his work in film and on TV — Schallert also played small-town Mississippi mayor Webb Schubert in the Oscar-winning best picture In the Heat of the Night (1967) — he always said he was best known as Federation Undersecretary of Agricultural Affairs Nilz Baris ... the guy who discovered the furry grain-devouring aliens in “The Trouble With Tribbles” in the classic December 1967 episode of NBC’s “Star Trek.” Holy shit. Tribbles!?

Time to fill my pill sorter for the week ahead and wait for Sam to get home from work! It’s such a full life ...

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