Sunday, April 24, 2016

You can’t squeeze matzo balls into an iPhone.

Last night we enjoyed our first-ever long-distance Passover seder via Face Time with my bestest friend Sandi and her adorable family in Chicago. Seriously. I highly recommend Face Time seders! Via our Windy City “team,” Howie read the Haggadah, Melissa asked the four questions in lieu of a anybody actually being a young boy, Danielle did all the cooking and everybody drank wine except Sam and me because medications. (We shared a Diet Sunkist instead.) And while we waited for Sandi, her daughters and their beaus to finish Danielle’s amazing repast, I decided to start working on a Howdygram post because I was starving and you can’t squeeze matzo balls into an iPhone.
Also, I should mention that Howdygram headquarters’ official seder meal last night included $40 worth of Szechwan food from King China featuring Steamed Meat Dumplings, Shrimp Toast, Jalapeño Shrimp, Eggplant in Garlic Sauce (extra spicy), extra steamed rice, two free egg rolls for Sam (he likes these better than the ones you have to pay for) and a little tub of hot chili sauce. Amen, y’all. AND I’VE GOT ENOUGH LEFTOVERS FOR TWO DAYS!

The Howdygram is pleased to present a lot of WONDERFUL FREE FONTS for you today, and several even include multiple weights and styles! My personal favorites are “Syabab Brush,” “Enyo,” “Gaisma” and “Sugar Plum.” And in case you’re interested, “Dude Hank Senior” and “Dude Hank Catchwords” are included in a collection called “Dude Hank Pro,” plus the last five fonts on this list — “Antonie,” “Guinda,” “San Marino,” “Stuarte” and “Writero” — are part of a very nice 10-font bundle all in one folder. I only decided to show you half of them because I don’t especially like the others ... although you might. As always I’ll include download links after the graphic so you can share these with your friends and relatives.

Believe it or not, this week I’ll probably have to take a short break from the Howdygram to continue designing products for my store on, particularly greeting cards, passport wallets, padfolios and checkbook covers.

Creating products for Zazzle is a fun yet tedious process. You have to save your design as a high-resolution image, upload the image, name the product, write a product description that’s loaded with search-friendly keywords, choose categories, assign a potential audience (i.e., for moms, for grads, for kids) and so on. Even if I’m hammering away here at top speed it usually takes about 15 minutes for every product ... and I’ve got hundreds of products in mind. So if you don’t see a new Howdygram post for a couple of days you”ll know why.

The Howdygram is pleased to present another Einstein Award, this time to a pair of industrious and hard-working Texans — Heather Patterson and Robert Casselman — who were arrested yesterday in a College Station, Texas, motel room for printing their own $20 bills. Police used a trashed Wal-Mart receipt for resume paper, a ruler, a roller and a printer to arrest the pair. Under interrogation each Einstein blamed the other. Nearly $1,000 in counterfeit cash and sheets of unfinished bills were found in Patterson’s car, and she reportedly used the fake dough to shop at the Wal-Mart store in Waco and then returned the merchandise to the Wal-Mart in Bryan to get real cash back. Holy shit, what a brilliant scheme. Back and forth to the same two Wal-Mart stores!

The Einsteins pictured below are charged with four counts each of forgery of government money.
In case you give a crap, College Station, Texas, is about 190 miles south of Howdygram headquarters. The following map denotes: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) the scene of the aforementioned crime.

Many thanks for stopping by today. IT’S TIME FOR A GODDAMN NAP!

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