Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Sam has a flat.

If there’s one thing I really, really love, it’s TYPING. No kidding, this has to be the number one joy of my life not counting Sam and Mongolian chicken! I’ve been typing since I was seven years old when my cousin Bobby taught me to use his parents’ old manual typewriter in the basement. He showed me how the shift key makes capital letters and how to wait for the ding and use the carriage return. I was unleashed and typed a letter to my mother. The following year I asked dad for a typewriter for my eighth birthday and got it ... along with a “how-to” touch typing manual for creative girls who didn’t like playing with dolls and had a twit for a kid sister. I started writing short stories and collecting penpals. I even knew how to change the ribbon.
I don’t know why I’m telling you all this except I had two options when I woke up from my nap a couple of hours ago — write a Howdygram post or design a few new greeting cards for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle — and I picked option number one because even after all these years I still love to type as much as I did when I was seven years old. It’s your lucky day, people.

In other exciting news ... I have five more FABULOUS FREE FONTS for you! I think my runaway favorite today is “Shoebox” because it has a million adorable alternate characters and I can’t wait to use it for greeting card designs for The Howdygram Store. Download links will appear after the graphic in case you want any of these fonts for your personal collection.

And as long as I’m thinking about The Howdygram Store I should also add that I just treated myself to three extremely inexpensive collections of EXQUISITE BACKGROUND IMAGES from Creative Market to help with my product designs. These include 18 antique silver backgrounds, 16 tan and white chalkboard backgrounds and 16 gold foil backgrounds. They’re so adorable I might have a nervous breakdown. Tomorrow I’m determined to spend all goddamn day designing things AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.

It’s 8:40 p.m. and Sam just called from the office with FOUR-PART VERY SHITTY NEWS.
  1. On his way to work this afternoon he ran over a large hunk of plastic on the freeway that plastered itself to the front grill and underside of our car. 
  2. When Sam went down to the garage on his dinner break to check out what the hell actually happened he also discovered HE HAS A FLAT. So he called a tire repair service that didn’t show up until 9 p.m. and immediately announced that our spare is flat, too. All together now: HOLY SHIT!
  3. At 9:35 p.m. Sam called AAA to tow him (and our Hyundai) from downtown Dallas to Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite, which means I really have no idea whatsoever what time he’ll finally get home tonight. I’m guessing that midnight is a safe bet.
  4. Tomorrow morning Sam will need another tow by AAA to our favorite Pep Boys at Tripp and Galloway, at which time it’s entirely possible that we’ll need FIVE GODDAMN TIRES in additional to surgical removal of a large wad of mystery platic. Oy.
The following map indicates: A) Sam’s office at Crescent Court in downtown Dallas, where a nice AAA doofus is attempting to roll our car onto a flatbed truck; B) Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite; and C) Pep Boys at Tripp and Galloway.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, we end up with this ... Donald Trump being his humble, unassuming Christian self in an interview with USA Today.
Donald’s love for Jesus is absolutely yooge and phenomenal, and if you have a problem with this he’ll have to murder you because you’re a slob and a loser. Amen.

Thank you a million times for reading this. I think I’ll hang out for a while in the family room and wait for Sam. Shut the light when you’re done here, okay?

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