Friday, November 13, 2015

Please try not to eat any broken plastic if you can help it. And while you’re at it, try not to eat SpaghettiOs, either.

Good evening from Texas! The time at the tone — beep! — is 6:50 p.m., the temperature outside is a pleasant 56°, and dinner — a bag of Mountain House freeze-dried Noodles & Chicken for senior citizens — is rehydrating on my desk. While I wait for my food I’ve got several important things to cover in this post. One or two are deadly serious, others are mostly retarded bullshit. So let’s get started, shall we?

TAKE A GUESS WHO’S BACK IN THE NEWS AGAIN. Give up? It’s MITT ROMNEY! Apparently mainline Republicans are having a goddamn cow about their current frontrunners — a bigoted billionaire orangutan and a delusional, drug-addled former brain surgeon — due to neither of them could defeat Hillary Clinton in the general election AND they increase the odds that the Senate will wind up back in the Democrats’ hands. GOP leadership — is that a classic oxymoron, or what? — and the big donors are paralyzed, and no viable alternative to the “outsiders” has distinguished himself near the front of the pack.
And so ... a group of geniuses in the Republican elite are so fucking desperate to change the dynamic that they’re trying to draft Romney, and there’s even a strategy already for a mysterious “late entry” to snag delebates and make a run for the nomination in a convention fight. All of this despite the fact that Romney has stated repeatedly that he probably won’t ever run for president again.
Okay, let me get this straight then. Republicans want to go with an out-of-touch two-time loser in magic Mormon underpants whose candidacy in 2012 was called “the best of bad choices?” I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE SMELL OF PANIC, don’t you?

SAM BOUGHT MEATLOAF AND MASHED POTATOES AT COSTCO TODAY. To prepare Howdygram headquarters for a weekend of extremely intense chow, Sam drove to Costco this morning and stocked up on a trunkload of favorites PLUS a gigantic container of Costco’s famous heat-and-eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes, as pictured below.
We will probably eat this for lunch on Saturday so please do your best not to annoy us between 12 and 1:30 p.m. Thank you.

ARE YOU PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE HOWDYGRAM? “Trending Now” has returned in the right sidebar, and our continuing “Hat of the Day” feature is almost one-third of the way through the latest hat collection from Rita’s Couture, a south Dallas retail establishment featuring clothes and accessories for elderly women of color because I’m pretty sure nobody under the age of 75 would ever wear weird shit like this. (Be sure to check out Rita’s suits, too. Oy.)

BRUCE’S SUGAR-FREE CANNED YAMS ARE SO TERRIFIC I ALREADY ORDERED MORE. I found them by accident on Wal-Mart’s website a few days ago and ordered two cans. These things are GODDAMN WONDERFUL, people! I ordered two more big cans today plus a bag of Truvia sugar-free brown sugar substitute, because NOTHING tastes better on yams than butter and brown sugar! (Okay, marshmallows would taste the best, but so far I can’t find anybody who sells sugar-free marshmallows.)

Over 350,000 cans of Campbell’s SpaghettiOs have been recalled for a potential choking hazard. Hunks of red plastic from parts of the can lining were found in a small number of cans. The problem was discovered yesterday after Campbell’s received about 50 consumer complaints.
The recall affects 14.2-ounce cans of SpaghettiOs Original with a date of February 22, 2017, printed on the bottom and a UPC code of 51000 22432 printed under the bar code. The company says consumers should return this product to the supermarket for exchange or refund.

Please try not to eat any broken plastic if you can help it. And while you’re at it, try not to eat SpaghettiOs, either.

I love this guy to pieces. Seriously.
Thank you for reading this!

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