Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Don’t tell Sam that my new wheelchair is being delivered tomorrow on a 104-pound pallet.

There’s something seriously wrong with me today because my brain is fogged-in. After taking my 8 a.m. dose of Norco I’m slurring my words, I can’t hold a thought, I want to take a nice hot shower but I’m not sure I can walk all the way to the master bathroom, the toes on my right foot are numb and I want a couple of Schwan’s corn dogs for breakfast. I can’t explain any of this but thank you for paying attention.

Last night, once again, I felt compelled to tweak the “look and feel” of the Howdygram with the following monumental design changes. I lightened-up the color of the links and headlines from 97% black to 95% black, uploaded all-new section titles in the right sidebar and enlarged the arrows by 15%, and I jazzed-up my Senior Citizen Food Reviews graphic. Oh my God, right?

I’ve got some excellent news, people. Tomorrow FedEx will finally deliver my Drive Medical Sentra Extra-Wide Bariatric Wheelchair for Big Butts ... the one I’ve been trying to purchase for almost a whole stinking month. I ordered from THREE DIFFERENT SELLERS on Amazon who sold me the wheelchair, charged my credit card, revised the shipping date multiple times and eventually canceled my order because they didn’t actually have the chair in stock. What the fuck!?
Eventually I decided to order from Shoplet.com— an Amazon seller with their own website and VERY good prices — but first I made them swear on a stack of sugar-free Almonette cookies that they had my wheelchair in their warehouse and it was ready to ship. THEY DID AND IT WAS. And I even had a personal customer service dude who held my hand through the entire ordeal due to I almost had a nervous breakdown worrying that I’d never be able to leave the house again without a new wheelchair.

Of course there’s also a teeny little “oy vey” moment, because information on the FedEx tracking page indicates that my chair was shipped on a skid with the instructions “DO NOT BREAK DOWN PALLET” and the entire hoo-hah weighs 104 pounds. Don’t tell Sam, okay?

Yes, friends, we’re expecting a fuckton of rain here at Howdygram headquarters, as in multiple inches every day between Thursday morning and Sunday night. (I’m not counting tomorrow’s drizzle because drizzle is basically stupid.)
Sam will work from home on Friday and then he has the entire week off starting Monday, November 30. Is that terrific, or what?

It’s 9:30 Tuesday night and I think I’ll shlep into the family room to watch “People’s Court” and grab a quick little nap before Sam gets home. Try to keep the noise level down and don’t forget to shut the lights when you’re done here. Thank you.

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