Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Will somebody please email me a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup and a coloring book with 48 crayons.

Oy, people, I feel so goddamn lousy right now I don’t think I can type! I woke up from an afternoon nap about 20 minutes ago with every joint in my body completely locked-up and screaming in pain, I’m running a substantial fever — no kidding, 100.8° is very high for me because “normal” is 97° — I have zero appetite and I feel so limp I want to CRY. I don’t know what I want to do right now aside from binge-drinking hot tea and popping large doses of Norco. Once the meds kick in I’m considering suicide a nice hot shower, maybe shaving my pits and another nap.

In the meantime will somebody PLEASE email me a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup, diet ginger ale on ice (medium-size cubes only, please) and a coloring book with 48 crayons. Thank you and I love you. Also, GOD BLESS DRUGS. For your possible interest here’s my latest Shit-O-Meter pain report.

I do have some good news to report. SAM’S LASER EYE SURGERY TURNED OUT SWELL THIS MORNING ... and he can see again! The procedure — called a “posterior capsulotomy” — was scheduled for 11 a.m. and Sam was home half an hour later ready for lunch and a nap! Holy crap, right? If anybody in the Dallas metro area is looking for a terrific opthalmology team and surgery center, Sam wants to recommend Sweeney Eye Associates in Sunnyvale, pictured below. They’re located about half a mile from Howdygram headquarters at 2848 North Belt Line Road in Suite 200. And they have shrubs!

And speaking of Sam, he just called to tell me he’ll be working KILLER HOURS tomorrow (4 p.m. to 4 a.m.) because a group of clients will be in-house to work on an important financial hoo-hah. So what’s the big deal? Well ... Sam has an early dental appointment on Friday to get a molar extracted and now he won’t be able to get any sleep before he goes! The only “plus” is, he doesn’t have to go back to work on Friday. He’s taking the day off so we can watch movies and eat Jell-O. And remember ... LIFE’S TOO SHORT FOR A HO-HUM BLOW JOB!

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