Sunday, October 11, 2015

Texans are ready for fall. Please send some as soon as possible.

Howdy-do from Texas, everybody! It’s another unwelcome and thoroughly unnecessary hot and sticky summer day in the middle of October, which also happens to be our fourth consecutive month with NO FUCKING RAIN. Here’s a look at the week ahead courtesy of Texans are ready for fall. Please send some as soon as possible.

This is your big chance to buy a shitload of pleasant kitchen whatnots from Wolfgang Puck, that smiley little kraut who began his career as personal chef to Colonel Klink. For a limited time HSN is thrilled to offer Wolfgang’s entire line of Stalag 13 kitchenware — pots & pans, utensils, electric appliances, knives, mixing bowls, bakeware, a whipped cream dispenser and oven mitts — at really cheap prices. And a lot of them are also available on Flex Pay in case you require a lot of teeny-tiny no-interest loans to buy all this overpriced crap.

Whole Foods is recalling Papillion Organic Roquefort cheese due to FDA officials finding evidence of Listeria monocytogenes in an uncut wheel of the cheese during a sample test. All sell-by dates of the cheese have been affected.
Currently Whole Foods is reporting no illnesses or infections, but experts say Listeria can be hard to track because it has a long incubation period. Symptoms include high fever, severe headache, stiffness, nausea, abdominal pain and diarrhea. Pregnant women can risk having a miscarriage or stillbirth, and Listeria could be deadly for children, senior citizens, and anybody with a compromised immune system. (This ain’t no trip to the beach, guys.)

The Howdygram recommends Kraft singles instead. Thank you.

Hope you have a swell Sunday. I might be back later if you’re lucky.

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