Saturday, September 19, 2015

Be careful what you choose for a snack.

Do you ever wonder who reads the Howdygram besides you? The answer is, LOTS OF PEOPLE! In case you have a few fucks to give, within the last 48 hours the Howdygram has welcomed international visitors from: Budapest, Hungary; St. John’s, Newfoundland; Canterbury, United Kingdom; Mexico; Burnaby, British Columbia; Berlin, Germany; New South Wales, Australia; Oran, Algeria; Melbourne, Australia; San José, Costa Rica; Hobart, Tasmania*; Newmarket, Ontario; Petaling Jaya, Malaysia; Parañaque, Philippines; Nassau, Bahamas; East Sussex, United Kingdom; and Fajardo, Puerto Rico. *Birthplace of Errol Flynn.

We’ve had visitors from all over the United States, too, during the last two days, including: Albuquerque, NM; Scottsdale, AZ; Morton Grove, IL; Minneapolis, MN; Allentown, PA; Omaha, NE; Mount Kisko, NY; Niwot, CO; Newark, NJ; Austin, TX; Little Ferry, NJ; Berryville, VA; Ann Arbor, MI; Manchester, NH; Oak Creek, WI; Tempe, AZ; Alpharetta, GA; Lubbock, TX; Pittsburgh, PA; Rocklin, CA; Washington, D.C.; Wake Forest, NC; Round Lake, IL; Mountain View, CA; Jamaica Plain, MA; St. Paul, MN; Middleton, WI; Oklahoma City, OK; Eastpointe, MI; San Diego, CA; Wylie, TX; Cypress, TX; Jupiter, FL; Fort Wayne, IN; Menlo Park, CA; Rio Rancho, NM; and Chicago, IL.

Lesson learned. Be careful what you choose for a snack when you wear your favorite red robe with snaps because it’s cut low in the front and you’ll end up with potato chips stuck to your tits, and this can be significantly painful depending upon: 1) the speed with which you eat; and 2) the volume of crumbs you generate. DO NOT BE A SLOB. Thank you.

That he-man rock-em sock-em presidential wannabe Jeb! Bush definitely gave another putrid performance at the second Republican debate, didn’t he? Not only did he confess that he’s a L-O-S-E-R pot-smoking stoner who will never amount to anything, he also made a stupid joke about how he’s NOT a low-energy schlub because he wants his lame Secret Service code name to be “Eveready.” So FUCK YOU, Donald Trump! And then Jeb! tried to puff up like a tough guy and defend his wife’s honor, demanding that Trump apologize to Mrs. Jeb for saying mean things like how she’s a Mexican, and Trump said, “Nope,” and Jeb said, “Okay, never mind. I didn’t mean to bother you.” This was so fucking pathetic that, if we were Columba Bush, we’d divorce this jerk IMMEDIATELY and grab the family fortune to buy all the best jewelry and shoes.
For the record, Columba Bush is a certified shop-a-holic. She’s a low-key Mexican of munchkin heritage who frequently takes out secret loans to hide vast purchases of expensive jewelry from Jeb, who wouldn’t know a secret loan if it slapped him upside the head. In 1999 Columba was detained by customs for not reporting a $19,000 shopping spree in Paris so her husband wouldn’t find out and a few days later signed for a loan to buy $42,311.70 worth of diamond and platinum jewelry — purchased on a single day — from Mayors Jewelers in Florida. She also had a secret mailbox address at a UPS Store to hide the bills.
Can you picture a pair of dysfunctional idiots like this in the White House? We’d have a first lady encrusted in diamonds who’s hiding her bills at a UPS Store and a president who wants to pretend he’s in touch with the needs of middle class Americans. Holy shit. NO!

I’ll sign off tonight with a few pictures from the world of high fashion. Enjoy, okay?
Thank you and good night. Shut the light when you’re done here.

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