Does everybody pee in the shower?

You know what? As a housebound senior citizen with crap knees, diabetes, fucked-up skin issues and a load of chronic pain I realized today that my life is basically an endless stream of minutiae.

This includes such ridiculous shit as:

• How come the plant on the bottom shelf of my dining room cart isn’t fluffier?
• Whatever happened to my extra can of sugar-free Pillsbury frosting?
• Why do the five baby Sam portraits in the study always hang cockeyed?
• When was my last eye exam?
• Does everybody pee in the shower?
• Would I go to prison if I whacked Ted Cruz with my cane but nobody saw me do it?
• My number one favorite pen is a blue Pilot G-2 gelwriter with a .07 tip.
• I hate living things (plants, house pets, insects and Millennials).

Being an outspoken old person is powerful and therapeutic. I can say or write whatever I want AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.

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Shop for weird doodads today at ActiveForever.com, where you can find exciting early Hanukkah gifts like pill organizers, gel wheelchair ass-pads with coveted air-flo technology, knee scooters and memory foam floor mats for those lucky senior citizens who can still stand up (unlike yours truly) and heat a can of soup.

ActiveForever.com also sells diabetes essentials (needles, socks and test strips), crutches, canes and power scooters, giant button telephones, catheters for the whole family and glow-in-the-dark toilet seats.

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And now here’s an addendum story to a couple of Howdygram posts [read them here and here] from earlier this year. You may recall Justin Harris, the state representative in Arkansas who “rehomed” his two little adopted daughters, ages 3 and 6, to Eric Francis, a sexual predator who was once employed at Harris’ Bible-humping day care center for Jesus.

 

Believe it or not, this week a conservative nonprofit called the Family Council Action Committee had planned to present the “Power of Courage Award” to Harris at the Crawford County Republican Lincoln Day Dinner for demonstrating “courage by standing strong in faith when situations were tough at the State Capitol” and “are consistently models of their Christian values in their homes, their communities, and their churches.” Ted Cruz was scheduled to be the featured asshole of the day speaker.

To which I respond: WHAT THE FUCK?

Fortunately, the president of the Family Council, Jerry Cox, told The Arkansas Times late Wednesday afternoon that the Crawford County Republican Party had asked the group NOT to present the award, undoubtedly based on the fact that crowds with torches and pitchforks were beginning to gather in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

While I know the award was allegedly pulled, doesn’t this story perfectly encapsulate the Republican position on children and women’s rights? It’s more important to stand against abortion than to give a fuck about a child once it’s born. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again ... the Republican party is PRO-BIRTH, not pro-life.

Thank you for reading this.