Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Dumbo takes a gulp.

I meant to include this Putz of the Week in last night’s Howdygram post but I wound up a little too zoned-out on my prescription painkiller (God bless Norco!) and crawled into bed instead. For three hours.

Anyway, our latest Putz is a first-timer for us: Marco Rubio, the GOP’s idiot whiny-ass anti-everything senator from Florida who can’t figure out how to be a candidate, pretty much like the rest of the Republican party. On Monday Rubio grabbed a window seat in the GOP clown car by announcing his entry into the 2016 presidential race, a move that will fuck up the Republican Party in Florida and prove to be one of the dumbest moves in the dumb history of politics, as Senator Rubio possesses that rare, childlike combination of un-telegenic bumbling incompetence, corruption, sheer stupidity and HUGE EARS. I think I’ll call him Dumbo!
Ted Cruz — who also will not be president in 2017 — provides a perfect contrast to Dumbo. Although Cruz may be a detestable, pandering creep, he is also an astute politician whose real goal is to keep his name in the headlines and raise his profile for 2020 or later. Rubio has none of those incentives. He’s skipping reelection to the Senate — a job he might have held for life — next year in order to kiss the Iowa State Fair’s butter cow and pander to the GOP base in a few high school gymnasiums. Unfortunately, he’s not very smooth under pressure. Remember this? It’s called “DUMBO TAKES A GULP.”

And what about Rubio’s message to the masses? He’s marketing newness with forward-thinking phrases like: “Yesterday is over, and we are never going back,” an announcement spoken to canned applause immediately after attacking Democrats for “looking backward” and before declaring that his unique, forward vision of a future America involves militarism, banning abortion, support for LGBT discrimination, school vouchers, regressive immigration, continuing the Cuban embargo and a celebration of “family — not government.”

Dumbo wants to be the Republican party’s “candidate for the 21st century.” Too bad the poor little slob doesn’t realize the new century started 15 years ago and George W. Bush beat him to it.

And what the fuck does THIS mean?
In an interview yesterday CNN host Jake Tapper used Rubio’s lame jab at Hillary Clinton — whom he called “a leader of yesterday” — to press him on the subject of same-sex marriage. “You are casting yourself as a candidate of a new generation, but there is an issue where you are very out of step with younger voters — even younger Republican voters,” Tapper told Rubio. “According to a Pew poll, 61 percent of Republican voters under the age of 30 support same-sex marriage. On that issue, same-sex marriage, senator, YOU are the candidate of yesterday.” Oy. Looks like Dumbo’s in trouble!

Anything fun on your agenda today? We’re having a quiet Wednesday here at Howdygram headquarters. So far the only activities on Sam’s “do” list are: 1) pick up my Norco prescription at Wal-Mart; 2) deposit a nice juicy check at the bank; 3) eat lunch; and 4) I can’t think of anything else.

If you want to participate in activity #3 please bring a coffee cake and thank you for reading this.

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