Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Blue Bell Creameries takes an “unprecedented step” and refuses to continue selling poisoned ice cream.

Hi, people. Welcome to Tuesday morning at Howdygram headquarters, where I’m attempting to deal with heavily overcast skies, severe pain in my left knee and the following tragic news: A TOTAL WORLDWIDE RECALL OF BLUE BELL ICE CREAM.

Yes, dear readers, mazel tov to Blue Bell Creameries for finally deciding to issue a global recall of its ice cream products due to “concerns” about contamination by Listeriosis bacteria after three consumers are completely dead and five more are almost dead.

In March Blue Bell announced a recall of several products after one them was linked to three Listeriosis deaths in Witchita, Kansas. After additional testing and the discovery of a lot more Listeriosis cases in Texas, the company now thinks ALL of their products could be contaminated. This is certainly a huge “shit hits the fan” moment for Blue Bell.
“At this point we cannot say with certainty how Listeria was introduced to our facilities and so we have taken this unprecedented step,” Blue Bell CEO Paul Kruse said in a statement on Monday.

Fuck you, Mr. Kruse! Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back for taking that “unprecented step” to recall your shitty tubs of poison ice cream that are killing seniors, children and chronically ill citizens with weak immune systems all over the world.

Blue Bell products are sold in Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia and Wyoming plus several international locations.

Today I’m expecting all kinds of excellent crapola! First there’s a nice big delivery from Amazon that includes my April Subscribe & Save order — Nivea Orchid Blossom body wash, canned Keystone ground beef for senior citizens and a case of 12 Chef Boyardee mini beef ravioli in microwaveable bowls — plus a canister of Harmony House dehydrated diced potatoes and four-pack tubs of Knorr vegetable stock.
But wait ... there’s more! I’m also expecting the chic new tray I ordered from 4MDMedical.com for my rolling Medline walker, which will allow me to transport grilled cheese sandwiches and sugar-free cookies from the kitchen to the family room. Holy shit ... IT’S THE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH OF THE CENTURY!
Thank you for reading this and have a pleasant day.

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