Wednesday, November 12, 2014

A nicely-written timeline of Wednesday, November 12. Hang on for the wild ride.

We’ve got a very cold, very overcast, VERY windy afternoon here in north Texas. Specifically, it’s 39° with the wind gusting to 38 m.p.h., creating a totally perfect reason to hibernate with a nice big plate of kishka, Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow Santas and Torch Song, the 1953  “cult” classic starring Joan Crawford as a desperate, ball-busting, middle-aged Broadway star with an outrageous Technicolor wardrobe who chews scenery and stomps her way through musical numbers like a Clydesdale in fishnet stockings. If you think I’m kidding, check out this video. It’s Joan — in blackface, if you can believe it — with her voice dubbed by India Adams. (Too bad you can’t dub that atrocious dancing.)





Here, for your posible interest, is a nicely-written timeline of Wednesday, November 12, at Howdygram headquarters. Hang on for the wild ride, okay?

9:30 A.M. I wake up.

11:10 A.M. Schwan’s delivers our biweekly order of frozen whatnots, pictured below.
11:15 A.M. Lunch with Sam. I eat latkes.

11:52 A.M. Nap time. We leave our dishes on the coffee table and lose consciousness watching Murder on a Honeymoon (1935) starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason. We love this movie.
2:10 P.M. Sam goes to work.

2:36 P.M. I wake up.

4:18 P.M. I have no idea what I did for the last two hours, but whatever it was I did it at my desk with a Marcytini.

4:53 P.M. I indulge myself online and order two boxes of Easy Touch insulin pen needles on sale, size 29G ½-inch, from Active Forever. This is a new website for me and their prices are quite pleasant. Just in time for Hanukkah, I recommend shopping here for the all the senior citizens in your life.
Here is a representative sampling of some other fine Active Forever Hanukkah ideas. (Gift wrap is available for a nominal extra charge.) Don’t quote me on this, but the bed pan might be available in designer colors.
6:10 P.M. I get a low blood sugar reading (60) so I figure it’s time to eat dinner. FAST. I turn on Torch Song but don’t have a chance to finish it.

7:05 P.M. Nap time. I sleep for two solid hours wrapped in my new knitted throw from Amazon. If anybody disturbs me I’ll strangle them.

9:15 P.M. I think I might be brain dead and decide to take a hot shower. The hot shower works and now I’m finally ready to finish this Howdygram post.



I noticed in today’s news that Wal-Mart has decided to launch its first-ever FIVE-DAY BLACK FRIDAY EVENT to give the broke and desperate underclass additional time to trample and kill each other for cheap TVs. Here’s what’s in store for them in case you’ve forgotten what a Wal-Mart frenzy looks like.





As always, the Howdygram recommends shopping online. You don’t have to fight for parking, you don’t have to wait in line, you don’t have to wear a brassiere. Thank you for reading this.

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