I get to rip up an invoice and anticipate tartar sauce all at the same time.

Sam and I don’t receive many bills, so it was a huge and lousy shock today to get an invoice from HealthTexas Provider Network for $25 related to my last office visit with Dr. M at the beginning of September. My first instinct, of course is to freak out all over the house because we’ve had Blue Cross for decades AND WEVE NEVER OWED A DIME beyond the regular co-pay for an office visit with the usual routine lab crap (i.e., bleeding into tubes and a pee-pee sample). My second instinct is to get really mad, assuming THIS IS A NEW KIND OF  SCAM TO GOUGE HELPLESS OLD WOMEN WITH SHITTY KNEES WHO CAN’T FIGHT BACK. I decide to pour a Marcytini and call HealthTexas.

Turns out the whole thing was just a MISTAKE, people. All that aggravation for nothing! HealthTexas accidentally invoiced us for the $25 co-pay even though they’ve got a record that we paid it the day of my appointment ... plus the receptionist never lets you walk past the front desk until you fork over your dough, anyway.

I’ve been given permission to throw the bill in the garbage. Thank God I can face my afternoon nap in peace now.

Breaking news: Amazon just shipped my tartar sauce six-pack [see previous post] and I can hardly believe my good fortune: I GET TO RIP UP AN INVOICE AND ANTICIPATE TARTAR SAUCE ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I love my life!

A closing thought. In case you’ve ever wondered how much labor is required to create a couture gown, check out this amazing video filmed at the Dior Haute Couture Atelier in Paris. You’ll find out how razor pleats are made in a workspace so immaculate and bright it’s like watching a documentary at a pharmaceutical company. (And now you know why these garments cost $15,000.)

Don’t forget to watch the “Project Runway” finale tonight and thank you for reading this.