Sunday, June 29, 2014

Today is adorable Sam’s birthday. You may commence sending congratulatory emails.

Official Meatloaf Day went well, thank you for asking, with all leftovers safely wrapped and shoveled into the fridge. Sam is recuperating in the family room (he’s been asleep for three hours) and I’m here in the study preparing the update I know you’ve all been waiting for.

THE GLASS PEOPLE SCREW IT UP. We had a visit on Tuesday from Tim, leader of the glass people, who stopped in to replace, rehang and reseal the shower door frame in our master bathroom following a series of deranged mishaps by Clayton and the grout people [see previous posts]. Tim did a neat and adequate job and told us not to use the shower until Friday to give the silicone time to dry, so it wasn’t until yesterday that we discovered his fatal flaw: THE DAMN SHOWER DOOR DOESN’T CLOSE! We might as well just aim a hose into the bathroom and let it fill up like a freakin’ SWIMMING POOL now. A few minutes ago I sent a terse email to Clayton asking him to ship Tim back here as soon as possible (I’m hoping for Monday) to fix the problem and get it right. Then I’m going to whack the whole lot of them unconscious with my cane and call the city of Mesquite’s solid waste disposal department to come and collect the bodies. (Cane-swinging is one of the many perks when you’re a handicapped senior citizen.)

In other news, TODAY IS ADORABLE SAM’S BIRTHDAY and he’s 55 years old. You may commence sending congratulatory emails as soon as possible. To celebrate we’ve been discussing a number of exciting options for lunch, including:
  • Hong Kong Royal. Dim sum. Lots and lots of dim sum.
  • Cafe Greek Dallas. An all-you-can-eat buffet featuring olives with pits, unlimited hummus and braised camel turds.
  • Blue Mesa Grill. An award-winning Tex-Mex brunch with really good mango iced tea and our favorite server named Al.
  • Denny’s. For Senior Scrambled Eggs and free placemats with word games.
I’ll let you know where we end up for lunch, okay? For now, though, it’s time to swallow a bunch of pills, shoot a bunch of insulin and hang out in the family room with the birthday boy. I’ll have to wake him up first.

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